Could It Be Love?

Quite possibly yes, it could be love. Check out this stroller! Oh I hope I win!

http://inevergrewup.net/giveaway-25-bumbleride-indie-stroller/

Procrastination -- a Mom's Best Friend

I should be doing so many things right now. I should be cleaning the kitchen, cleaning the bathroom, vaccuuming, and marinading the chicken for tonight's dinner. But I don't want to. I don't feel like getting up and doing it...so I'm procrastinating. And in doing so, I will later be frustrated that there are dishes in the sink, the bathroom, though organized, isn't scrubbed down, and that dinner isn't ready -- and I'll have to think of something else to make. I think I've just convinced myself to get up and do it. But before I do, here are 2 pictures or Samantha that I think are pretty cute.

Sammy has been crawling a lot lately, which apparently is a good thing. At first we were concerned that she was crawling more than walking...but her physical therapist says it's a good thing. She is mastering her crawling skills and that is helping her with arm extension. So, crawl on little one, crawl on.

And, here is little Sammy as St. Lucia Christmas morning. It's not the traditional outfit, but it's Swedish and cute nonetheless.

Another Celebrity Mormon

That's right. Did any of you watching The Biggest Loser last night notice that the picture of Filipe and his wife has the Salt Lake Temple in the background? Yep. Marcus and my suspicions were confirmed...or at least we think we're 99.9% sure...that Sione and Filipe are members of the church. Wahoo! We're rootin' for you Filipe! You gotta get Sione back!

Callie's Birthday -- Twice

I thought it would be nice to celebrate Callie's first birthday while we were in CA with family. So, celebrate we did.

Birthday Party #1
A bear cake for our little Callie bear.

Eating her birthday cake.

Birthday Party #2
Back in home with a 101 degree fever and running nose.
(And a warm delights lemon cake.)

Well Said

I saw this clip on one of my best friend's, Marci's, sister's, Lisa's, blog (who happens to be my friend as well). Did you follow that? The point is, it's really good. At Harvard they celebrated a Day of Faith. Five different students answered questions about their individual faiths. Sally Quinn, a journalist from the Washington Post, lead the discussion. Rachel Esplin was the student who answered on behalf of the Mormon faith -- members from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. And I thought she did beautifully. She stated the facts, bore testimony, and was a wonderful representative of the church. Other discussions about the other religions can be found here.




Day of Faith: Personal Quests for a Purpose - 3. Rachel Esplin from Harvard Hillel on Vimeo.


* One qualm -- I wouldn't have said that the church as "progressed" over time when it comes to women's issues. Rather, the church has changed overtime based on revelation received by our prophet. Progress, to me, seems like we've changed because we're keeping up with the times. But, I don't think she meant it that way. I was really impressed with how well she answered the questions.

Sacrifice Brings Forth the Blessings of Heaven

I never really thought about what it meant to have kids. Logically I knew it meant sacrifice, ya know, get a little less sleep (boy was I way off on my estimations there), obviously if you have your own biological children then there's pregnancy -- so there's a lot of sacrifice that comes with that. I always knew I'd stop working to be at home with our kids. But these were all just logical thoughts to me. I had never really sat down and thought about it too much. Maybe it's because I'm the youngest child and never saw little kids running around the house. I was the little kid running around the house. Marcus and I weren't married too long before we both were feeling like it was time for us to start adding to our family. I was excited because that's how I am. When I feel the spirit, my reaction isn't always peace and calm. I get really excited and energized. And, I really felt like I had recieved specific direction from the Lord; I was excited about that, but also terrified. I started, for the first time, to think about what it meant to have kids. That meant that I had to be a mom. Well gee. How do you do that? I mean, when it really matters, how do you be a good mom?

Luckily I grew up with a stellar example. But what if I wasn't good at implementing the skills and lessons I had learned from my mom. What if I was really bad at it? I was filled with fear. And though I know that fear is a tool of the adversary, sometimes I forget that in the midst of a situation.

When Samantha was born, I fell in some sickly deep love. Well, the love started while I was pregnant. For me it was really strange, yet incredible awesome, to know a human being was growing in me. It's kind of something out of a science fiction movie if you think a lot about it, but it's also really really amazing. And to feel Samantha kick me or do little sumersaults...and to see my belly move with her...It was incredible. Once she was born, I got to see who this little gymnast was and I was smitten. No matter what people told me, I was going to stand by this girl because I knew she was something special. I mean after all, she came from some great DNA -- even if the DNA got a little rearranged in the process. She has taught me more lessons than all my schooling and other life experiences combined. I am so thankful for her. She has transformed our entire family. She is an extremely strong little girl. Samantha has had to endure so much physical pain and trial in her short 2.5 years, but as long as her mommy or daddy is there with her, it's ok. She may still cry, but as long as she can cling one arm around your neck like a little monkey, she's ok. People are in love with her, partly because they think they are meeting their first primordial dwarf, but they always get really excited when she flashes them her big beautiful smile. She's our little star. And I get to be her mom.

Then Callie came and boy I tell you what, I love that little one with all my heart. Fear also hit us with her. I was not prepared to have child #2 so quickly, especially knowing the needs of Samantha. But I knew, I knew, that she belonged in our family. It was right. When I held her for the first time, there was no doubt she was meant to be with us. She has been so much fun to do anything with. She has such a tender heart and I love her. And though she may not have our DNA, she is already acting like us, doing little things we do. She mimics everything I do. Side story: the other day she brought over this toy. It's a pig and when you push his snout it shakes and plays music. She loves it! I was doing dishes and she brought it over. I pushed the snout with my foot, and now she tries to turn on every toy with her foot. Callie is so cute. Already, she is very independent. You show her how to do it, then she wants to do it all by herself. And I'm starting to recognize that I'm going to have to cherish those moments as she grows when she really seeks out my advice and wants my help...because that may not be often with her personality. She is perfectly wonderful, and I get to be her mom.

Motherhood has changed my life. And through experiencing both giving birth and adoption, I have realized it doesn't matter how you become a mom. Before we adopted I wasn't sure how it would go...how I'd feel...if it would be the same. We, mostly women, put these silly ideas in our minds like the only way to feel like a mom is to be pregnant, get really sick, gain a lot of weight, get stretch marks, and give birth. As if we need some kind of battle wounds to prove what we went through to get a child here -- and then, only then can you be a mom and feel like that child is yours. How ridiculous. I've said it before, but I feel like Callie's adoption was just as spiritual, if not more because it was so unexpected, as giving birth to Samantha. It's a magical moment when a child enters your family. And with adoption, we were able to experience her being sealed to us. I must be coming to some kind of crossroads in my life because lately I've been thinking a lot about change and everything that has changed in my life over the past 10 years. I hope this isn't the Lord preparing me for some kind of impending trial. But as I've recognized some of these changes and the affects they've had on me, I couldn't help be feel extraordinarily blessed. Motherhood takes a lot of sacrifice. Sure. But it doesn't feel like it from day to day. My heart has grown larger than I thought possible, and we only have 2 kids right now. What'll happen when we have 6? I always had big plans for my future. I wanted to travel the world, get at least my masters degree, change the world. I still want to do all those things, and perhaps there's a way I can still do them all. But it's interesting how I feel like my kids have given me experiences that surpass my masters degree ambitions.

Marcus and I have spent months sleeping on the couch with Samantha. That's some pretty special bonding time with her. Though during some of those nights it maybe felt a little inconvienent, I look back at that year and smile. As we speak, Samantha is holding on to my belt loop on my jeans, jumping up and down, screaming with delight. She just wants to be by me. She is jumping like a mad little woman and her big blue eyes are smiling at me as she screams at the top of her lungs "ba ba ba ba ba." Come on! Who doesn't want this?! Callie is sleeping because she is sick, but when she wakes up, I know, if she follows the same pattern she has set for the past 2 days, she's just going to want me to hold her so she can rest her head on my shoulder...then she'll pat my back as if she's doing me a favor. What a considerate 1 year old. If I had succumbed to my fears about becoming a mom, I would have missed out on these little treasures. Being a mom has been worth every dollar, every added inch to my waist, every less hour I've slept at night, every napless Sunday, and every aching tear for their pains. How grateul I am for the gospel to know that families are eternal. I can't imagine feeling all this love and not having it be garunteed in heaven.

I love being a mom more than anything I've ever done -- well, I love being a wife too -- but I'm talking about any other "job" I've had. And let's be realistic. I know it's hard and I don't feel this lovey dovey about sleepless nights all the time. But the point is, I would never give it up to get those sleepless nights back. Or the many nights in the hospital with Samantha. Or the 3 months waiting with Callie in Michigan, unsure if we could keep her or not. I love being a mom. I loved being a missionary. But my time came up and that was done. It's a good memory. I loved teaching. I loved it. But my time was up and now, it's a fond memory. But being a mom, I love it and this job never ends. I'll be a mom forever. And for that, I give my deepest heart-felt thanks.

Happy Birthday Callie

This year has gone by so very fast. So so so fast. Is it possible that Callie is already 1? It feels like we've only had her a few months, yet that day that we got her seems so long ago. It all happened so quickly -- a phone call from the adoption agency, a flight to Michigan, and a new baby in my arms. My heart melted when I saw her little hands and face. I fell immediately in love. And that love, over the past year, has grown into a deep bond and connection that can never be split. I can't imagine my life without her. I am so grateful for her birth mother for making the difficult decision. She is an admirable young woman and we constantly pray for her. Callie has been such a blessing in our lives. What a ray of light she is in our home. She is full of love and curiosity. She is beautiful and kind. Already she likes holding her baby, patting her on the back, and feeding her her bottle. Her giggle is contagious and her her smile is just incredible. She mimics everything we do. Oh, what a sweetheart. Happy Birthday Callie. We love you, love you, love you!








(For some reason I can't get the pictures to get in the order I want...so...they are all out of order. Oh well.)