Friends

Friends always make traveling better.  Thanks to Chrystal for letting us stay at their place the first week while we're at therapy.  Callie loved being able to play with Caitlin while I was at therapy with Sammy, and it was just good to be around and chat with someone whenever I wanted.  Good times were had by all ~ well, aside from a bit of crying here and there...Caitlin and Callie really did get along most of the time.:)

Playing horsey with Dwayne.  Sammy really did love it a lot more than this picture shows.

Caitlin and Callie cuddling up on the chair to watch a video.

Caitlin, Samantha, Callie, and Hunter

Me, Sammy, Caitlin, Callie, Chrystal, and Hunter.

What a great week.  Thank you to your entire family for putting up with us for the entire week.

Heart Ache

This past weekend I traveled to Utah for a funeral.  Sweet, courageous, and strong Caleb Joseph Moody passed away Friday, February 10, 2012.  Not too long ago, perhaps only a year ago, I met Caleb's mom, April, through the blog world.  It was a time when I began to step out and "meet" other families.  Caleb was among the few who I was immediately drawn to.  His story was miraculous.  He beat the odds.  It was so clear to me that he had a mission to fulfill, and I wanted to watch it unfold.  As I read about his little life and became more acquainted with his mom, I was uplifted.  I felt my life change in small ways. 

I met April and some other moms I've gotten to know while in Utah this past September.  It was fantastic and I felt such love for all of these women.  April said something that stuck with me, and over the past few months it's nagged at my heart.  I so badly wanted to meet Caleb in person -- to feel his spirit.  I knew he had become sick with pneumonia, and I hoped that he'd fight it as he had in the past.

All day Saturday, I was at the temple and with other families celebrating the joys of adoption.  It was a long, wondeful, and hectic day.  When I got home that night, I saw that Caleb had passed away, and my heart sank.  I haven't felt sadness like that in...I really don't know when.  Marcus immediately said it would be ok with him if I went to the funeral.  I was so grateful for that ~ I didn't even have to ask.

Caleb's death has been a unique experience for me.  I have known other special kids who have passed away.  I have cried for their families and have been touched by their stories.  But I didn't know them.  I just knew their stories.  I know April.  And though I haven't yet met Caleb (I plan on it one day), I have felt a deep love for this little boy. 

The funeral was beautiful.  Beautiful.  The Spirit was so strong.  It was uplifting ~ a true celebration of life.  After a week of sadness, truly I had been crying on and off all week long, I felt joy; I felt love.  I was still sad, but I felt so honored to have been there. 

One of my favorites.

Yet, tonight, my heart aches.  It feels physically heavy...pulled downward toward the floor...as I think about April and her family tonight without Caleb.  Seven years of daily care, of unconditional love...and I am sad thinking about the empty bed that is there in their home.  I wonder how someone really "adjusts" to that.  And I cry for them.   

Seeking Serendipity

Today a good friend sent me this article: Why Serendipity is Better Than Control.  It's really fantastic.  First of all, I love Linda and Richard Eyre.  I have loved everything they've written that I've read.  They are LDS and New York Times #1 Best-Sellers ~ so though they hold true to the values that I grew up on as a member of the church and want to instill in my own children, but these clearly are not values exclusive to Mormon households.  The teach true principles of parenting.  

I found this article to be wonderful for 2 reasons.  

1. They taught a true principle.
2. It resonated with me.

Isn't that great?  They talk about how we naturally want to be able to control our lives, but that what we should really seek is the true definition of serendipity -- not the "dumb luck" definition that seems to be replacing it.  I know this.  And, I'm grateful for my faith that has really helped me the past couple months.  Really, it has been the scriptures, prayer, and a lot of other things that has helped me feel peace, and even excitement, during a difficult time.  HOWEVER.  I needed this reminder.  And after reading this article, I feel re-energized.

Again.  I'm grateful for friends who pay attention and act on the promptings that they feel.  Thank you Lisa.

Here's my favorite part of the article:

This marvelous word has been oversimplified and even corrupted quite a bit lately in popular culture, becoming the name of ice cream stores, boutiques, clothing lines and even the title of a major movie. Serendipity is often defined as "dumb luck" or having something good happen to you by chance

Its true definition, though, is much more interesting and quite extraordinary. The word was coined by a 19th-century English author named Horace Walpole, who loved an ancient Persian fable called "The Three Princes of Serendip" (Serendip being the early name of the beautiful, teardrop-shape island off the southern tip of India that the British called Ceylon and that we, today, call Sri Lanka).



In the fable, the three princes each go out in search of their fortune. None of them finds a fortune, but all of them, through their acute awareness and perception, find things that are better than a fortune — love, truth and opportunities to serve. They are able to make these discoveries because they notice things that other people miss, and thus find unexpected joys and opportunities.


Walpole, reading the fable, said to himself, "We do not have an English word that expresses that happy ability to find things that are better than what we think we are looking for." So he made up the word serendipity and defined it as follows:


"A state of mind whereby a person, through awareness, sensitivity and sagacity, frequently finds something better than that which he is seeking."

The fact is that we control so very little, and that God controls all. His gifts are all around us, along with his opportunities and incredible beauties, and we just need the awareness and spiritual sensitivity to see them. We can cultivate this awareness, and we can ask him for it. As we do, we use our agency to take the spiritual initiative that allows God to bless us and inspire us and guide us. Guidance is infinitely more valuable and more worthy of our pursuit and quest than is control. And serendipity is the mind-set or paradigm that can get us to guidance.

Control can seem motivating because it appeals to our lust for power and dominion. But it is a dangerous kind of motivation because it is unbridled by humility and can lead to the worst kind of pride.

With a serendipity paradigm, we are motivated by our desire to discover and deliver God's will into our lives. We begin to see life as a great adventure where our challenge is not to control but to perceive and to understand. We become as interested in learning to "watch and pray" as we are in learning to "work and plan," and the two sets of skills complement and enhance each other.


I feel like throughout this process, I have tried to put it all in the Lord's hands.  I've tried to let go of that control.  And it has helped me throughout the 2 years of waiting for this next adoption to happen.  Evenstill, I feel sadness when things don't go how I'd like.  Already, this morning I woke up feeling better knowing that He is in control and that the right baby goes to the right home.  But again, this article gave me a different focus.  And I so much look forward to that something...and in our case, someone...better than that which we are seeking. 

I know it'll happen.

Thankful 11: Disneyland

A few weeks ago we went to Disneyland.  It was awesome!  Here are only a few...yes...a few...of the pictures we took.  I want to preface this photo essay of Disneyland with the following: we needed this trip.  Only the day before we were feeling discouraged and Disneyland...the happiest place on earth...really helped us focus on our family.  We had so much fun together.  Pure fun.  I was reminded of how much I love these little girls and how much Marcus means to me.  I felt blessed.  The entire time we were there (even when my migraine hit), I felt immense love and gratitude.  It was awesome.

At the hotel, waking up and ready to go to Disneyland.  Or, at least Callie is.

Disneyland in October is pretty cool.  They go all out Halloween.

The Haunted Mansion

Quirky Callie

I believe this was the Snow White ride.  Callie's face looked like this almost the entire time we were there...except for the above picture.  That was a moment of weirdness...but then it went right back to the smiles!

By Snow White's wishing well

Patiently waiting in line.

Callie LOVED this ride.

Jungle Cruise.  Samantha was happy.

But Callie just couldn't get enough.  Evey animal she saw went something like this: "An ELEPHANT!!!  LOOK LOOK!  An ELEPHANT!"  "AND LOOK MOMMY, a GIRAFFE!  LOOK LOOK." 

Callie and I battled Splash Mountain together.  I really was no interested in getting wet, but surprisingly she wanted to do it.  Normally Callie doesn't like to be splashed, but she liked it.  She sat in the front seat while I sat behind her.  I didn't like that at first, but I was able to hug her seat and keep her really tight and secure, so it worked out well.  She was such a trooper.  This is her thumbs up.

We used Samantha's handicap pass which got us on the rides pretty quickly.  But for Dumbo, even in the handicap line, we waited about 35 minutes.  It was rough.  Sammy was frustrated, but Callie wanted to go on it so badly.  So, we waited.  And waited.  I felt really spoiled that we were struggling waiting for a ride only a bit over 1/2 hour.  Nonetheless...

Callie with Snow White.

While we were there, we met up with David and Andrea and Sue and John.

It's a Small World.
Samantha was really interested in all the lights and figures.

And though this is horrific, I thought it was so funny.  I mean, you can't plan a picture that looks this bad.  I had to include it.  It makes me laugh.

Yeah for cousins!

I've never been to Disneyland before.  Disney World, yes.  But not Disneyland.  One of the biggest differences Marcus said I'd notice is the castle.  He told me it was smaller.  But holy cow, it's WAY smaller.  But it's still beautiful and magical.

Ready to get on the ride: Space Mountain.  Yes.  We took our 3.5 year old on Space Mountain.  She fit the height requirements and really wanted to go on.  So, we let her.  Little did we know that they had changed it for Halloween, so it was really monster scary-like.  She got off and held on to me so tight.  "Mommy.  That was too scary."  She has since told me that she'd do it again sometime when there weren't monsters.  I felt like such an irresponsible parent when the ride was over and we walked off with her.  ahhhh  I felt so bad!

Samantha was only interested in chewing Marcus' hat for this picture.

John hanging out with Callie while my Excedrin kicked in.

Ohhhhh.  Here's the sign we wished we had seen before taking Callie on Space Mountain.

Leaving the park after the firework show ~ Sammy near comatose and Callie out like a light.

Good night Disneyland.



This night before heading to Disneyland, Bart came by our hotel with his girlfriend Christy.  It was so fun to see Bart ~ we haven't seen him since our wedding.  And we both really like his girlfriend.  I could have stayed up all night talking (how unlike me).  I was happy for the few short hours we did have to catch up.

It was a fantastic trip and worth every penny.  I'm already planning our next trip, maybe next December during Christmas.  How fun would that be?!  Disneyland, I'm sure thankful for you.  It would have been fun no matter what, but it came at a perfect time for us too.



Friends

Last week I was able to meet up with some friends.  I was so glad I could.  These are little kiddos I've been wanting to meet for a long time (though there are still so so so many more that I want to meet -- and their moms!).  It was a nice, warm day at the park in Provo.  These are some amazing moms and some amazing kids.  My heart just feels so full thinking about them.

Chrystal, Hunter, and Kaitlin 

Hunter

Chloe

At the swings.

Callie, Chloe, Tara, and Sammy

Chloe and Samantha actually became quick friends.

All of the kids -- Chloe and Sammy gazing at each other, Callie trying to be patient, Kaitlin looking a bit bored, and Hunter just waiting it out. :)

Me and Sammy with the beautiful mountain backdrop.

Friendz

When we knew we'd be coming to Utah to attend Now I Can, there were a few things on my "to do" list.  Among the many things, I am going to catch up with my awesome, super radical friend, Marci, who I don't see nearly enough.  I am going to get together with all our family in Provo -- more than I realized.  I am going to get my hair cut and colored.  And I am going to meet some fabulous women who I call my friends, but who I've never met.

Yes.  You've read my correctly.  Over the past year...maybe a bit more?...I've been a part of Kidz.  I love it.  I have been strengthened, uplifted, and motivated by all who have participated on this blog.  And, I have felt very honored to be a part of the Kidz Krew (a group of us who are regular contributors).  So, I really wanted to meet my friendz from Kidz.  I instigated the idea for a little Ladies' Night Out...and Ladies' Night Out was had.  Last night.  Gardner Village.  Awesome dinner.  Incredible company.  I knew it before meeting them, but I now, face to face, I felt their spirits, strength, and love.  It was so fun...I stayed out too late and ate too much...but it was very worth it.

me, Chrystal, Jennie, Tara, and April

Happy Hollow

Callie was so excited to go to Happy Hollow!

Callie's lucky to have so many fun "big" friends.  We went to Happy Hollow with the Kneipps and Williams.  It was a fun time.  And thanks to the older kids there, Callie got a lot of attention.  Thanks Zack and Sadie especially -- and Mason for riding the carousel with Callie too.

Callie driving the cars with Ilse.

And then the ladybugs.

Best buds.