How do I do it? Many days I can’t work on my projects. Some days bedtime still seems too far away. And my faith during those early days waivered. But the number one thing that keeps me going is the little girl with big blue eyes and rosy red lips. Samantha’s giggle warms my soul. Her smile makes my heart do little leaps. Her eyes tell me stories that I won’t hear in this lifetime. Her stumbling walk and awkward movements sometimes actually bring us great comic relief! She is clever and funny and really a joy to be around. Everyone loves this little girl! I want to be with her. I want to be by her side as much as I can. I want to be her Mom. I want to be her advocate. I want to tap into the potential within her and make her shine brighter than she does now. I want to teach her. I want to hug her. I want to kiss her little cheeks. I want to struggle as I put curlers in her hair. Tonight, I didn’t want to have to rock her to sleep, but as I did, I didn’t want to be anywhere else. I want her to know, even if she doesn’t understand the words “I love you,” I need to be certain that she gets it…that she feels it. I want to experience it all with her because she is my earthly angel and I’d rather laugh with her or struggle and fight than not have her by my side. Microcephaly and motherhood. Sometimes it really doesn’t seem so bad after all. Truly.
Today's is Mother's Day, and while I "nap," all I can think about is how grateful I am to be a mother because of adoption. What a privilege it has been to have our hearts intertwined with another mother's heart. Callie brings me so much joy...so much love. She is so forgiving and kind. Smart and funny. I am in awe at her birth mom. I wish we still had contact with her. Her sacrifice and love is what has given Callie the life she has today. It is always what has blessed our lives immensely. I've posted this before, but Callie has a poem in her scrapbook that we keep, and in honor of Birth Mother's Day yesterday, I share it again:
Legacy of Two Mothers
Once there were two women who never knew each other.
One, my darling, is your birthmom and the other is your mother.
Two different lives, shaped to make yours one.
One became your guiding star; the other became your sun.
The first gave you life, and the second taught you to live it
The first gave you a need for love, and the second was there to give it.
One gave you a nationality; the other gave you a name.
One gave you the seed of talent, the other gave you aim.
One gave you emotions; the other calmed your fears.
One saw your first sweet smile; the other dried your tears.
One chose adoption. It was all that she could do.
The other prayed for a child, and God led her straight to you.
And now you ask me through your tears.
The age-old questions through the years.
Heredity or environment, which are you the product of?
Neither, my darling, neither. Just two different kinds of love.
These two beautiful little girls are molding me into the mother, and person, that I was meant to be. They are my best teachers. They train me daily and file down my rough edges. They teach me patience, love, charity, diligence, the principle of repetition!, compassion, faith, hope...and I am probably far more in debted to them than I even realize.
Samantha and Callie, thank you for making me Mommy.