Thursday, March 5, 2009

My Poor Little Baby

People often ask me how I handle Samantha's seizures. I tell them that you get used to it. This morning, though, I realized that I'm not really used to it and I possibly never will be. All week Samantha hasn't been feeling well. I'm not sure why, but her crying all day is a good indication that things aren't right. As a result, she hasn't been sleeping too well either. At 4:30am I heard her crying. At 5:30am I got out the ear plugs. Perhaps this seems insensitive, but I've been sleeping with her on the couch at night and in the early mornings, and I just didn't want to do it this morning. Plus, knowing her cries, I knew she wasn't informing me of any urgent need, rather, just telling me she was awake and wouldn't mind me being in there with her. Callie also woke up early this morning -- and Marcus, being the great husband and father that he is, got up with Callie...and apparently Sammy woke up during that time too. I got to sleep in until 7:30am. Nice.

Callie was tired and cranky, so Marcus put her back to bed and I laid on the couch with Samantha. At 9am, she began convulsing. There was no warm-up to this seizure and she was convulsing so strongly that, I admit, I was a little panicked. Normally her seizures start small and escalate to a point before stopping. If she was starting at this point, how far would it progress before it stopped? I ran for her medicine, which we use when a seizure lasts 5 minutes, ready to use it immediately. But Sammy pulled out of it. She fell asleep in my arms. Samantha woke up once to vomit and fell back to sleep.

Sammy woke up at 11:30 this morning and is now quietly sitting on a chair chewing on a pacifier. I'm grateful for that because my arms needed a break, but really all I want to do is hold her all day long and comfort her. I want her to know that I would take it all away if I could. My poor sweet little baby girl. I love her so much.

7 comments:

sagebrushandbuttercups said...

Oh Jenny so sorry at Sammy's difficult and scary day to watch and experience. Every alarm in you must have been screaming when the character of her seizure activity changed like that. I am so thankful for her, and for you and Marcus and Callie and the tender care you all give one another. I sure wish I could scoop you all up in a hug and somehow find a way to make life a little easier. Each of you is such a gift to us and when Sammy hurts, you hurt and we hurt for you! Never feel guilty for sleep, you have a marathon like schedule. Sleep. And bless Marcus for pitching in so you could. I'll be thinking of you today and remember, in the midst of all these challenges, that prayers are continually sent Heavenward in your behalf from all around the country. You may be alone in real-time but spiritually someone has always, ALWAYS "got your back"
Sorry again that our poor little baby has had such a tough day.
love,Jan

Heidi Ashworth said...

I know the feeling. With every fiber of my being. Poor Sammy! What a brave little girl!

Adespain said...

Jenny, you are an amazing mother. I could hardly handle William's first cold- and during that time I couldn't help but think of you and how much harder for you it must be. The longing to take it away is overwhelming. I think your girls are blessed to have you, and your friends are blessed to know your strength. keep it up.

Erin Ames said...

Jenny...I wasn't going to comment because I'm not as eloquent as the others who've commented but I wanted you to know we feel for you and pray for your family. I know what it's like to want to take away all their pain...I'm sorry Sammy has to go through that. I agree that your girls are so lucky to have such a dedicated and compassionate mother. In fact, you inspire me to be a better mom which is one of the reasons I read your blog. Anyway, we pray for you and wish we were there to help you out...play with your cute girls...let you get some sleep...etc.

Heather said...

We missed Sammy in nursery today!

Kirstin said...

Jenny...

I am so sorry about all that poor little Sammy goes through, and all that you and Marcus endure as being her parents.... I was wondering if you could send me your email address... I wanted to ask you a couple of questions and chat with you without it all being on the blog... so send me your email via mine... kirstinlanderson@msn.com

Thanks a ton...

Thinking of you

Kirstin

JAZKK Low said...

Hugs Jenny. You are such a great mom and an amazing person. I look up to you a lot...always have.

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