Wednesday, March 10, 2010

"My Name is Jenny..."

...and I have a daughter with microcephaly."

There's this parent support group that this woman told me about. Her daughter goes to school with Sammy, and as much as I love this mom, I'm not sure I'm interested in being a part of a support group. I did get on the email list, and the woman in charge asked if I wanted to get coffee next week sometime. I guess it wouldn't hurt -- of course, the coffee part would have to go, but I guess I could meet her. Would it hurt? But if I meet her at a coffee shop, am I somehow committed? I'm not sure I want to do that.

A long time ago, after Samantha was born, someone suggested attending some kind of a support group. I don't think I was ready for something like that at the time. As much as I wanted to meet other parents in similar situations, I wasn't sure how I felt about us all talking about our kids who weren't "normal." I think I was trying to cling on to as much normalcy as I could, and being a part of a support group made me feel not normal. Furthermore, no matter how much we all had in common -- having kids with special needs -- each of our stories are different. I already knew there weren't groups in our area for microcephaly. Samantha's diagnosis is just too rare to have a support group dedicated to just that. And I was afraid that being a part of a group, but not being able to fit into that small group, would make me feel even worse.

That was over three years ago now, and I'm not sure my desires for a support group have changed. My reasons may have though. Now, I don't know if I want to attend because I actually feel pretty good. I still get discouraged sometimes, but I feel like I've done a lot of therapy between me, Marcus, my parents, and the Lord over the past 3 years. And I feel good -- most of the time.

But does that somehow mean that I think I'm better than these groups that are out there and could possibly help me?
Is it ok just to say it's not my style? And really, anyone who knows me knows I love chatting it up...but in this forum, I'm not so sure.
Should I just give it a try, because, who knows? I could love it?
Or do I not fix it if it's not broke...things are good so just stick with how they are, support-group-free? I just don't know.
Does that make me snobby?
Or somehow in denial (not sure in denial of what, but isn't that the meaning of being in denial?)?


mj said...

I feel the same way.

When Leah was in her early start program, they had me talk to a psychologist. I wasn't really sure who she was at first. and then we just sat in this room and i realized she was waiting for me to talk.

It's good for some people, I know. But, for me it was just awkward. Not my forum, I guess.

People are always telling me to join support groups. I think it's really important to form connections with other parents, but I'm not so sure about a sit-down-and-chat-specifically-about-my-child-for-an-hour kind of thing.

Maybe I'll change my mind one day. But not today.

John and Bethany said...

Maybe you would be there to give more of the support. I can imagine you would contribute so much to those women. Who knows, maybe you would make some great friends. Maybe not, but maybe worth a try. Don't feel committed just because you go once though. Your life, your life, your choices. You are GREAT Jenny!

Heidi said...

I was thinking the same thing as the previous commenter. You have so much to give, and your outlook on life is unique. Being around you always made me feel better, and the people in this support group might be grateful for your "spark." Anyway, something to think about.

Rob and Marseille said...

you could do alot for other people and maybe even share the gospel...we have a unique outlook on special needs children (I think)...but...there are so many things I would like to do if I didn't have the kids with me, this wouldn't be my first choice. If you don't want to, don't.


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