Wednesday, January 12, 2011

The Flip Side

I just wrote about how full my life is.  And it is.  But....

that post came after hours of internally complaining about my life.  Yes.  I complain.  I complain a lot and I need to work on that.  The other day, I was so frustrated with life and I was seeing all the things that aren't working out.  Fortunately, at these times (after some wallowing) I'm often reminded of all I have and am humbled by the blessings in my life. 

So, here's what I was complaining about this time.


It's a beautiful thing if it works out for you.  It's a beautiful thing if a baby is placed in your arms and becomes your own.  It's a beautiful thing when you realize that all your waiting and waiting has been divinely directed so that your baby comes to you through an amazingly selfless birthmother who recognizes that she is also part of bringing a family together.  As painful as the process is, it's a magical and beautiful thing.

Right now, I'm just in the painful process part.  Kind of.  In 2009, we began the process.  I didn't expect that things would move as quickly as they did for Callie -- I mean, really.  She came to us super fast and that's pretty much unheard of.  But, even in my heart knowing that things would take longer, my heart didn't prepare me for this one.  So, 2009.  2010 rolls around and we're still doing paperwork, but we're truckin' along.  It's now 2011.  We are still NOT approved.  We're waiting on my mother-in-law's FBI name check to get cleared (which is ridiculous...for real...the story is soooo long), AND, because a year has passed, we have to redo the entire process.  RE-DO!  So, Marcus and I went and got our fingerprints done.  Lee and Colin need to get theirs done.  We need to get physicals again, etc. 

I can't fully express the frustration...and also the discouragement that comes along with this, nor do I want to, because adoption IS a beautiful thing.  But sometimes, it's also very taxing. 

I have faith.  I know that our baby will come when the time is right.  And I think I also know that if our baby had come, then Heavenly Father -- the miracle worker -- could expedite everything along to make it work out.  I believe that's what happened for Callie.  I guess I'm learning patience? 

That's the update.  My life is full.  It truly is.  Full of love, full of happiness, full of blessings.  But sometimes, it's also full of other stuff too!


Marci said...

can't help you with any of your woes. but i wish you were here! or i was there!

either way, your haircut is H-O-T hot. You're one foxy mama, my friend. :)

Julie said...

my heart breaks for you. i am never paitient and much more of a complainer than you will ever be. it'll happen... evenutally :)


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