Not sure what it is... why I've been feeling especially tired lately. Today when Samantha woke up at 5:24 am!!!! I was just so so tired I could barely function. I do NOT like that feeling. Every movement, all day, has been done by willing myself to do it. I know I don't get enough sleep, but nothing's really changed in that category. Samantha has been sick -- and I think I picked up a little somethin' somethin' myself -- so that probably has a lot to do with it. But I'm already tired of being tired.
And since we're talking about tired, here's my incomplete list of things I'm tired of:
* Being tired
* Having Samantha wake up before 6am
* Having Callie scream "Mommy" when she goes to bed -- just go to bed lady!
* Putting Samantha's DAFOs on
* Knowing I should be putting her theratog on but not doing it -- guilt's a killer
* Having to watch her every single second so she doesn't break anything -- including herself
* Trying to figure out a new car situation
* Disappointing people
* Not having enough time in the day for many things
* Not having fat burn off fast enough -- grrrr you fat!
* Callie's tantrums
* Sammy's crying -- sometimes it just gets old
* The fact that Samantha will never be on a soccer team, or in a dance recital, or possibly even eat food without my help
* Feeling like I'm finally at a good place, and then slipping off the cliff into the ravaging waves of frustration again
* Seizures -- we haven't had any lately, but I hate them
* Little brains -- sometimes "average" sounds superior
* Samantha kicking her legs when I try to change her diaper -- AHHH the frustration -- even though just typing that right now makes me giggle -- she's such a pill
* Samantha pooping in the bathtub! It's happened twice this month!
* My impatience
There, maybe it's out of my system now because as I typed that up, I started giggling and smiling thinking about all of those frustrating things I was tired of. That's just weird and very unexpected. Perhaps I'm not tired of it after all -- maybe I just needed a quick complaint session. Because, what I'll never be tired of is seeing Samantha when she gets off the bus, having her hug me all day long -- she squeezes my neck so tight -- and Callie screaming in delight "Mommy!" as if it's Christmas morning. Life is good.