Sammy's sick. Like, gross, throwing up all the time, horrible sick. I was helping someone yesterday with some college applications when I got the phone call from school.
"Jenny? Um, Sammy's sick. She had lunch and threw up all over the place."
It totally caught me off guard since at therapy yesterday morning she was a gem and all chipper. By the time I got to school, she had thrown up a few more times. Poor girl. It was a LoNg afternoon and LONGER evening. She slept with me on the bed (while Marcus slept on the couch -- thanks) and there was very little sleeping going on. She was just writhing in what I can only imagine was stomach cramping. After 1/2 of sleep, at 6:30am I went out to the couch with Sammy and handed her over to Daddy-o so I could get some zzz's before he had to leave for work. This morning she's doing better, but whiny and complainy.
And you know what I'm thinking? Seriously?
I want another one.
Baby, that is. I want another baby. I know it's difficult and I know that, especially when things aren't going perfectly -- illness (short or long term), disability, added numbers to the house causing crazy schedules and whatnot. But it's what I want. And I believe it's what Heavenly Father wants for us too. So, we're waiting on His scheduling. I need to talk to the head of scheduling though, 'cause, ya know...I'm not real fond of this timeline.
I've often wondered why it is that this adoption is taking so long. It's easy to wonder if how I'm acting is messing up Heavenly Father's trust in me. As much as I want another baby, am I not showing to Heavenly Father that He can trust me with another one of His children? Part of me says, "No, that's not it." But man, I really wonder sometimes, and it's a thought that's hard for me to shake -- because it's such a painful thought. It wasn't until recently that I started praying that I'd learn whatever it is that I needed to learn during this "waiting/finding" time. I think, am I not humble enough? Am I not handling what I have already well enough? I know I'm not perfect, but who is? But, this morning as I held Sammy all wrapped up in her blanket, and Callie cuddled next to me on the couch, not only did I feel such love for my little girls, but I felt this...I want another one. I'm ready. Whenever it happens, I'm ready feeling. And if I'm saying this after a sleepless night and vomit/laundry galore, I got to mean it, right? That's what I thought!
So, here's to Friday: vomit, cuddling, pajamas all day long, and hopefully, babies (someday soon).