Eight years ago we sat in
a doctor’s office. Shocked, we listened while a geneticist advised us not to
have any more children. Our daughter, Samantha, was born with a rare genetic
condition. Though little is known about it, what is known is that both parents
are recessive carriers of a gene that causes the problems. Apparently, we are
genetically incompatible, and the only advice a professional could give us was
to not have more children. On our drive home, 45 minutes later, we felt that
adoption was our path. We later spent time praying to further confirm our
thoughts, but as we discussed it in the car, our confusion quickly turned into
calm. Our pain turned into peace. No longer sad, we felt a surge of excitement
because we had a spiritual confirmation that this was right for our family. We
cannot begin to understand what you are going through. But what we do know
through our experience with Samantha is that life doesn’t turn out as we plan.
No matter what we do, there will always be bends in the road that are so
unexpected they throw us off our desired path—sometimes
so far that we feel we can’t even see our goal anymore. Through the blessing of
adoption, we have children and new extended family in our lives who have blessed
us immeasurably. How grateful we are for our bend in the road eight years ago.
We pray that you find the answers you are looking for at this time. If adoption
is your new path, we pray you find the family that is right for you and your
baby. There is no greater peace than feeling you’ve made the right decision; we
truly hope that for you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
About Marcus
Age: 35
Occupation: Clinical Child Psychologist
Hobbies: Reading, College Sports, backpacking
Current Favorite Book: Ender's Game
About Jenny
Age: 34
Occupation: Stay at home mom; Storyteller/Writer at www.Adoption.com
Hobbies: Reading, Writing, Baking
Current Favorite Book: To Kill a Mockingbird
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We are a family who is passionate about…well….family.
We enjoy going on walks together, playing soccer in the park, jumping on our
trampoline, and watching movies! (I mean, really. Who doesn’t love a great
movie?! We don’t get to the movie theater too often, but we frequently can be
found cuddled up on the couch with some popcorn, watching a Red Box movie.) We
especially love our holiday traditions. Halloween and Christmas are probably
our family favorites. The house undergoes holiday transformations with the
appropriate décor, music, and smells of seasonal goodies. Jenny loves to bake
and so starting in October the house is full of pumpkin spices and then
transitions into cinnamon and nutmeg toward the end of the year. It’s a time
for us to not only have fun, but to spend more time together as a family. We
are fortunate to live close to extended family and are able to eat Sunday
dinners together. The adults chat while the cousins play. It’s a day of the
week that we definitely look forward to. Aside from our time together on the
weekends, Monday night is also special. We have set aside this time as our
weekly family night. This is a time when we have fun together but also are able
to have mini lessons. We are able to address certain issues that our children
may be dealing with, or just short lessons on values that we hope will become a
part of our family culture. Faith. Hope. Forgiveness. Friendship. Gratitude.
Service. And no family night would be complete without a treat.~*~*~*~*~*~
Marcus is one of the best
people I know. Truly he is a man who lives a life of integrity. He’s my husband
and yes, my very own personal Superman…the stalwart, true, ever
faithful…Marcus. Shortly after we began
dating, we went on a road trip from Utah to California. I remember sitting
outside on the grass with three other friends. Already I knew that I could
marry Marcus. I didn’t know if we would get married, but he certainly was the
type of guy I had always wanted. Smart. Funny. Compassionate. Athletic—Marcus
enjoys Frisbee, soccer, football, basketball, wrestling, mountain biking,
surfing, and exercising in general. We used to play racquetball when there were
courts around. (Maybe we’ll pick that up again one day.) But what was so
special and intriguing about him was that he was
things that I didn’t even know I wanted! So different from others I had dated in the
past, Marcus is quiet. Observant. Patient. Frugal. Articulate. He grounds me in
a way that I didn’t realize I needed. When we were dating, I found myself so
calm and peaceful around him. Don’t get me wrong, happy butterflies still flew
clumsy circles in my stomach non-stop as I eagerly anticipated each date, but I
always felt such ease and comfort with him. It felt good. It felt, a bit, like
I was whole. And only about a year later, we were married! I couldn’t ask for a
better partner to be by my side. While other people have hobbies, Marcus’s
hobby is his family. The kids love it because he’s a pro at wrestling, being a
monster, and creating games on the spot! I’m so grateful for the husband and
father he is. When I’m sad he’s the one I want to be with and when I’m happy
he’s the one I want to celebrate with. He’s. The. One. And I feel like one
pretty incredibly lucky girl.
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| Hiking in Tahoe |
Jenny has added so much “life”
to my life. Marrying Jenny was like finally watching T.V. in color instead of
years and years of black and white. (The funny thing is that I didn’t always
realize I was watching an old, black and white T.V. until I met Jenny). It’s so
fun to see how excited and passionate she is about things, even little things
like carving pumpkins or giving fun Christmas presents. Remember in high school
when your teacher would ask you to pick a partner for a class project? You
would look around the room and try to find someone that you knew would help you
get a good grade, but at the same time would be fun to work with? That’s jenny.
One of the things I admire most about Jenny is that she is so competent at
everything she does, but can make things fun too. I trust her completely with
whatever she sets her mind to. In her free time, Jenny enjoys reading and
writing. Once an English teacher, she just can’t seem to kick the habit of
staying up too late to finish a book! She does what she can to be involved with the
kids’ interests, even outside the home. This year that meant volunteering in
the classroom teaching the art program and being the assistant soccer coach. She
is certifying to become a holistic health coach so she can help others on their
journey to become their best self. She is also a weekly contributor/writer for
Adoption.com. She loves sharing her passions with others and connecting with
those around her. But nothing is more important to her than being a wife and
mother. She would drop everything, and at times has, to be there for her kids
when they needed her. Her family is first.
~*~*~*~*~
When we began the adoption
process many years ago, we knew we wanted an open adoption. We didn’t quite
know what that meant as we hadn’t experienced it firsthand. We did, however,
feel that it would be important for our future child to have that openness with
his/her birth family. When Callie was born and her birthmother chose us to
raise her daughter, we were humbled and so full of love and gratitude. We flew
out to Michigan and there, we held Callie for the first time. We fell in love.
Her big, dark eyes looked up at us and we connected. It was an amazing
experience filled with so many divinely planned moments. What we were
unprepared for was the amount of overwhelming love we’d have for her
birthmother. We are grateful for Latice. We had been praying for our future
birthmother, wherever she was, that she would have peace in her heart. But when
we met Latice for the first time…wow. We were so overwhelmed. Her humility and
tenderness were so moving. The time we shared together is so precious to us. We
took pictures. We laughed a little. We cried together. We shared all we could
in those few hours that felt like seconds.
Much to our disappointment, and through no desire of
our own, we lost contact with Callie’s birthmother soon after placement. Until
Callie again has contact with her birthmother, we are very open about Callie’s
story, sharing with her all we know about her birthmother, Latice. Callie likes
to hear about when we met after she was born. In fact, Callie had an assignment
for school to bring 3 items that were important to her and explain why. One of
her items was a picture from her room of her as a newborn baby with her two
mothers’ hands holding her. We are so grateful for the pictures we have
together with her and hope that one day we will reconnect.
Our experience with Micah’s birthmother in quite
different. We were able to slowly build a relationship over the course of her
pregnancy. Jenny was even in the labor and delivery with Lindsey, helping her
through the contractions and ultimately there for Micah’s birth. It was a
sacred experience to share together. We felt humbled, yet again, that she would
consider having Jenny in that room with her. She was brave and strong. It can’t
be described in any other way other than…sacred.
Jenny felt as if she stood on holy ground being in that labor and delivery
room. Angels must have been surrounding Lindsey throughout that entire time and
giving her the strength she needed. We see Lindsey and her family from time to
time and we feel a deep connection to her. We also stay in contact through
emails, texts, facebook, etc. Lindsey’s family has completely embraced our
entire family. They love Sammy and Callie just as much as they love Micah.
There is a closeness that we did not expect, and it feels so wonderful. It
feels complete. We recognize how important we have been in each other’s
journeys. In fact, Lindsey asked Jenny to be her matron of honor when she gets
married in January! We have always had some understanding that maintaining a
level of openness is better for the child. But what we have experienced, what
we never expected, was that our hearts were made more complete from having a
new extended family of our own! We feel immensely blessed.
Each journey is different.
Often there are roads that twist and turn, sometimes uncontrollably. In our
twists, during some of our detours, there has been a great amount of joy than
we could not have imagined. We found our children. We have found new family.
You may feel that at the moment you are on one of life’s detour. That may be
the case. But we know it’s possible to have joy and peace again and pray that
you find your joy and your family if that is your desire.
With all our love,
Marcus, Jenny, Samantha,
Callie, and Micah
Contact us:
marcusandjenny@gmail.com
Contact our caseworker:
Dave Boschen 831.438.3736 (adoptions@handinhand.us)
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