mmmm yogurt

Callie loves her yogurt.  But it must taste better when she's outside, because almost everyday she asks me if she can eat yogurt out on the deck.  And most days, I oblige.

mmm mmm good

The Flip Side

I just wrote about how full my life is.  And it is.  But....

that post came after hours of internally complaining about my life.  Yes.  I complain.  I complain a lot and I need to work on that.  The other day, I was so frustrated with life and I was seeing all the things that aren't working out.  Fortunately, at these times (after some wallowing) I'm often reminded of all I have and am humbled by the blessings in my life. 

So, here's what I was complaining about this time.

Adoption. 

It's a beautiful thing if it works out for you.  It's a beautiful thing if a baby is placed in your arms and becomes your own.  It's a beautiful thing when you realize that all your waiting and waiting has been divinely directed so that your baby comes to you through an amazingly selfless birthmother who recognizes that she is also part of bringing a family together.  As painful as the process is, it's a magical and beautiful thing.

Right now, I'm just in the painful process part.  Kind of.  In 2009, we began the process.  I didn't expect that things would move as quickly as they did for Callie -- I mean, really.  She came to us super fast and that's pretty much unheard of.  But, even in my heart knowing that things would take longer, my heart didn't prepare me for this one.  So, 2009.  2010 rolls around and we're still doing paperwork, but we're truckin' along.  It's now 2011.  We are still NOT approved.  We're waiting on my mother-in-law's FBI name check to get cleared (which is ridiculous...for real...the story is soooo long), AND, because a year has passed, we have to redo the entire process.  RE-DO!  So, Marcus and I went and got our fingerprints done.  Lee and Colin need to get theirs done.  We need to get physicals again, etc. 

I can't fully express the frustration...and also the discouragement that comes along with this, nor do I want to, because adoption IS a beautiful thing.  But sometimes, it's also very taxing. 

I have faith.  I know that our baby will come when the time is right.  And I think I also know that if our baby had come, then Heavenly Father -- the miracle worker -- could expedite everything along to make it work out.  I believe that's what happened for Callie.  I guess I'm learning patience? 

That's the update.  My life is full.  It truly is.  Full of love, full of happiness, full of blessings.  But sometimes, it's also full of other stuff too!

Birthday Girl

Callie didn't have a birthDay.  She had a birthWEEK.  That's right.  Wednesday was her birthday, and we weren't going to celebrate because Marcus would be getting home from work late and Sammy would be in bed.  I wanted us all to be there.  But, I wanted Wednesday to be special for her.  We made cupcakes and did a lot of fun things together.  It was a good day. 

But Friday, now Friday was the day.  She asked me for a big pink cake for her birthday.  Hmmm I had been planning on making a puppy cake, but she opted for the big pink cake.  I went with a raspberry vanilla cake (recipe off the Softasilk flour box).  It was ok.  I wasn't too thrilled about it, but other people seemed to like it enough.  She loved it.  So, that's all that matters.  



Before the "party" started, Nathaniel stared at Callie in awe.




Very ready to light the candles and get going!




I love this picture.



Not the best lighting, but that's innards of the cake.  Layered...raspberry stuff, cake, raspberry frosting.



Washable markers and a ream of your very own paper!!!!  She loves this.  For "Secret Santa" back in Spokane, that's what one of the kids wanted and I've always remembered that.  What a great idea for kids.  This was from Grammy.

I got Callie her own electric toothbrush.  I know she doesn't seem excited, but she is.  I assure you.

Callie loves Uncle John.  All day she was telling us "Uncle John's coming over."  He let her do his hair, which was very charitable.  This reminds me, a little, of when I was younger.  I used to brush my mom's Uncle Tom's...or was it Dan?  I always get those two mixed up...hair.  He was such a good sport.  It's a good memory.

 Callie had a good birthday.  She felt special and loved and spoiled.  I didn't go all out on gifts.  I did get her a huge map for her wall and she loves looking at it with me.  She knows where she was born, where Grandma and Grandpa Haubert live, where we live, where Canada is...she loves maps.  She got a toothbrush and her own toothpaste.  Yes, very practical gifts.  But that's what grandparents are for, right?  They did the spoiling.  Grandma and Grandpa Haubert sent her a doll that she loves and helped pay for her dance classes she's starting in a couple weeks!  Yeah.  I'm so excited for her.  Grammy and Grandpa got the paper and markers, and a My Little Pony big pony that both she and Samantha love!  It was a good day to be Callie.

My Life is Full

Samantha smiles and I can't help but smile back.  She giggles and sometimes it still brings a tear to my eye.  Her long pigtails touch her shoulders and her innocent eyes give me a glimpse into eternity of happiness -- and an eternity of perfect personality, physical form, and being together, maybe even the ethereal vision of running together through a lush field of soft overgrown grass.  Her longing cries of "mama" never get old.  I want to be able to be there for her every time she says it.  Her spirit is too large for her small frame; it permeates through every pore and touches all who stand nearby.

My life is full.

Callie lays her head against my shoulder, her soft tight curls rubbing against my cheek.  I'm unaware of the fact that she laid her baby down for a nap until I put Sammy to bed.  I discover Callie's baby, nestled in blankets in Samantha's crib.  Her witty words and phrases frustrate but utterly delight me.  Rocking back and forth, we sing together, "I Am a Child of God."  Her voice completely off tune is perfectly beautiful to me.  She is smart and stubborn, but gentle and kind.  I often wonder who she will become -- what that stubbornness will have to fight against in her future.  She is solid, knows what she wants, and often she wants Mommy.  That's ok, because often I want her too.

My life is so full. 

Marcus hugs me from behind and tells me I'm beautiful.  I don't feel that way, but he thinks I am.  He tells me I'm a great mother.  I don't feel that way, but he thinks I am.  He is my sincere cheerleader.  Together we walk around the neighborhood, against the crisp cold breeze, talking about life -- our future, funny things that happened today, frustrations and annoyances -- allowing each other to vent a bit.  I fall deeper each day.  I have a pounding migraine.  I sleep.  He takes care of the girls.  He takes care of me.

I feel overwhelmed with how full my life is.  A lot of times I can get frustrated feeling like things aren't turning out how I'd like.  After Samantha was born, I learned an important lesson: Life doesn't turn out like you expect, or plan, but it's always better.   I truly believe this.  If we are doing our best to follow Heavenly Father's personal plan for us, if we are being obedient to the best of our abilities...then we are on track, and though life may be different than what we planned, it'll always be even better than we could imagine because it's His plan for us.  I learned that lesson and I really believe it.  But I too often forget that and get caught up in what I want again.  Today, for some reason, I was able to slow down enough to remember that my life is pretty great.  Sure, there's more I look forward to, but even if those things never happen, I've been incredibly blessed.  My life is full.

A Girl and Her Bike

For awhile now, Callie had been telling me she wanted a bike.  The problem was, her old tricycle is just too small for her to ride like she wants to.  So, I suggested she submit a petition to Santa, and, of course, Santa couldn't resist her kindness and cuteness and brought her a bike (and helmet).  Now Callie loves going on bike rides again!  Happiness for all!

Sony

I love my new camera.  Or, I mean, I love our new camera.  More to come on this later, but I've had so much fun taking pictures again, and I take a ton!  Love it!

For Three Years

Today I feel so blessed.  It's hard to put into words the feelings a mother, or any parent for that matter, has for her child.  Even still, we feel compelled to try...to attempt the impossible...to share, in words, how we adore our children and how deeply we love them. 

For three years, Callie has been in our lives.  (Actually, if I want to be really technical, she will have been in our lives for three full years on January 7.)  And for every day of those three years, my life has been greatly enhanced because of my sweet daugther, Callie.  For three years she has added a definite level of spunk.  She has made me laugh.  She has made me cry.  She has added to my hope and faith.  She has brought sunshine when I allowed clouds to overshadow the sun's rays.  She has filled our home with playful laughter and sincere, true love.  I can't help but think of her birthmother on this day, among other days, and wonder what she may be thinking.  If I could tell her one thing, it would be that Callie is intensely and insanely loved in this home.  I can't imagine my life without her.  She's, first, my daughter.  But more than that, she's my buddy.  Sure, I love her to death...but I also really really like her.  She's witty and clever, smart and adventurous.  The past three years have been pretty amazing with this girl. 

I love you Callie.