Sunday, January 9, 2011
My Life is Full
Samantha smiles and I can't help but smile back. She giggles and sometimes it still brings a tear to my eye. Her long pigtails touch her shoulders and her innocent eyes give me a glimpse into eternity of happiness -- and an eternity of perfect personality, physical form, and being together, maybe even the ethereal vision of running together through a lush field of soft overgrown grass. Her longing cries of "mama" never get old. I want to be able to be there for her every time she says it. Her spirit is too large for her small frame; it permeates through every pore and touches all who stand nearby.
My life is full.
Callie lays her head against my shoulder, her soft tight curls rubbing against my cheek. I'm unaware of the fact that she laid her baby down for a nap until I put Sammy to bed. I discover Callie's baby, nestled in blankets in Samantha's crib. Her witty words and phrases frustrate but utterly delight me. Rocking back and forth, we sing together, "I Am a Child of God." Her voice completely off tune is perfectly beautiful to me. She is smart and stubborn, but gentle and kind. I often wonder who she will become -- what that stubbornness will have to fight against in her future. She is solid, knows what she wants, and often she wants Mommy. That's ok, because often I want her too.
My life is so full.
Marcus hugs me from behind and tells me I'm beautiful. I don't feel that way, but he thinks I am. He tells me I'm a great mother. I don't feel that way, but he thinks I am. He is my sincere cheerleader. Together we walk around the neighborhood, against the crisp cold breeze, talking about life -- our future, funny things that happened today, frustrations and annoyances -- allowing each other to vent a bit. I fall deeper each day. I have a pounding migraine. I sleep. He takes care of the girls. He takes care of me.
I feel overwhelmed with how full my life is. A lot of times I can get frustrated feeling like things aren't turning out how I'd like. After Samantha was born, I learned an important lesson: Life doesn't turn out like you expect, or plan, but it's always better. I truly believe this. If we are doing our best to follow Heavenly Father's personal plan for us, if we are being obedient to the best of our abilities...then we are on track, and though life may be different than what we planned, it'll always be even better than we could imagine because it's His plan for us. I learned that lesson and I really believe it. But I too often forget that and get caught up in what I want again. Today, for some reason, I was able to slow down enough to remember that my life is pretty great. Sure, there's more I look forward to, but even if those things never happen, I've been incredibly blessed. My life is full.