Sammy's in therapy right now. She's working, but I'm the one taking a break. The morning started off well with some stretches. She was pretty good about that. But once stretching was over and the suit went on...it all went downhill. She's been very unhappy.
But it's ok to be unhappy.
And here's why.
Samantha's body doesn't work as it should. For years now, she's been functioning on dysfunction. She walks, but she does so with tight arms, bent over body, and almost every muscle in her body flexed. Some would say, "Who cares? She's walking isn't she?" True. But, with every step, every movement, she is cementing into her brain what is wrong. And then, everything else becomes more difficult for her. It's not about walking. It's about understanding her body and her world around her. Being able to relax and use her arms to explore her world, to pick things up, and to hold our hand. It's about being able to be more self-sufficient and be able to rely on herself for her needs -- even if, she is dependent on us for her care, there are things that she can learn to do, correctly, like drink from a cup and get on and off a couch. I know that she can do those things. She just needs to relearn how to properly move her body...and that may be uncomfortable for her. She may be unhappy about it for a bit. As her mom, I've decided that's ok.
I was thinking about that this morning and I thought about how true that is for us all -- or maybe just me. Sometimes life just kind of stinks. We can feel like we're doing everything right...we're attending church, praying, reading the words of the prophets...yet we aren't moving like we should. For whatever reason. And, maybe it's because we're functioning on slight dysfunction. We pray, but it's not sincere. We read, but we don't study. We are kind, but we lack charity. And changing may be uncomfortable. We may be unhappy. And that's ok.
When I was in highschool, I had to adjust. I had to change my group of friends. I knew it. And I did. It was painful. It was hard. I was unhappy. But, it was ok to be unhappy because that's what needed to be done. I was still friends with them -- just didn't hang out after school -- and I was able to meet other friends who I could hang out with all the time.
Am I saying that if there is ever a problem in our lives it's because we aren't doing what we should? No. Of course I'm not saying that. But I kind of am, I suppose. In our adjustment to becoming who we are meant to be -- who we ought to strive to become during this life -- it may be uncomfortable. Our arms may get stretched further than we let them stretch before. We may need to open our hands while we crawl instead of keeping them in tight fists. But the joy is that as we do so, and as unhappy as we may be during the process of becoming, we will begin to naturally stretch our arms and open our hands on our own. We will be able to do more.
And we'll be happy.