Monday, February 20, 2012

Heart Ache

This past weekend I traveled to Utah for a funeral.  Sweet, courageous, and strong Caleb Joseph Moody passed away Friday, February 10, 2012.  Not too long ago, perhaps only a year ago, I met Caleb's mom, April, through the blog world.  It was a time when I began to step out and "meet" other families.  Caleb was among the few who I was immediately drawn to.  His story was miraculous.  He beat the odds.  It was so clear to me that he had a mission to fulfill, and I wanted to watch it unfold.  As I read about his little life and became more acquainted with his mom, I was uplifted.  I felt my life change in small ways. 

I met April and some other moms I've gotten to know while in Utah this past September.  It was fantastic and I felt such love for all of these women.  April said something that stuck with me, and over the past few months it's nagged at my heart.  I so badly wanted to meet Caleb in person -- to feel his spirit.  I knew he had become sick with pneumonia, and I hoped that he'd fight it as he had in the past.

All day Saturday, I was at the temple and with other families celebrating the joys of adoption.  It was a long, wondeful, and hectic day.  When I got home that night, I saw that Caleb had passed away, and my heart sank.  I haven't felt sadness like that in...I really don't know when.  Marcus immediately said it would be ok with him if I went to the funeral.  I was so grateful for that ~ I didn't even have to ask.

Caleb's death has been a unique experience for me.  I have known other special kids who have passed away.  I have cried for their families and have been touched by their stories.  But I didn't know them.  I just knew their stories.  I know April.  And though I haven't yet met Caleb (I plan on it one day), I have felt a deep love for this little boy. 

The funeral was beautiful.  Beautiful.  The Spirit was so strong.  It was uplifting ~ a true celebration of life.  After a week of sadness, truly I had been crying on and off all week long, I felt joy; I felt love.  I was still sad, but I felt so honored to have been there. 

One of my favorites.

Yet, tonight, my heart aches.  It feels physically heavy...pulled downward toward the I think about April and her family tonight without Caleb.  Seven years of daily care, of unconditional love...and I am sad thinking about the empty bed that is there in their home.  I wonder how someone really "adjusts" to that.  And I cry for them.   


ANewKindOfPerfect said...

I am so glad you were able to go to his funeral. He was such a handsome little guy and touched the hearts of so many in blog land!

Jennie said...

I know exactly what you mean. My thoughts have been of the same nature. The funeral was beautiful and I'm so thankful you were able to attend. It was wonderful to see you again. My heart in intertwined with April's right now. I am hoping that the peace of the Comforter will reside with them and help to comfort their broken hearts.

Peggy said...

I am so sorry.


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