I met April and some other moms I've gotten to know while in Utah this past September. It was fantastic and I felt such love for all of these women. April said something that stuck with me, and over the past few months it's nagged at my heart. I so badly wanted to meet Caleb in person -- to feel his spirit. I knew he had become sick with pneumonia, and I hoped that he'd fight it as he had in the past.
All day Saturday, I was at the temple and with other families celebrating the joys of adoption. It was a long, wondeful, and hectic day. When I got home that night, I saw that Caleb had passed away, and my heart sank. I haven't felt sadness like that in...I really don't know when. Marcus immediately said it would be ok with him if I went to the funeral. I was so grateful for that ~ I didn't even have to ask.
Caleb's death has been a unique experience for me. I have known other special kids who have passed away. I have cried for their families and have been touched by their stories. But I didn't know them. I just knew their stories. I know April. And though I haven't yet met Caleb (I plan on it one day), I have felt a deep love for this little boy.
The funeral was beautiful. Beautiful. The Spirit was so strong. It was uplifting ~ a true celebration of life. After a week of sadness, truly I had been crying on and off all week long, I felt joy; I felt love. I was still sad, but I felt so honored to have been there.
|One of my favorites.|
Yet, tonight, my heart aches. It feels physically heavy...pulled downward toward the floor...as I think about April and her family tonight without Caleb. Seven years of daily care, of unconditional love...and I am sad thinking about the empty bed that is there in their home. I wonder how someone really "adjusts" to that. And I cry for them.