Sammy, Seizures, and Sadness

Today I received a phone call from Samantha's classroom.  She was having a seizure.  I was talking to a friend who was over, and so I didn't hear my phone ringing in my bedroom.  They finally called on the home line, and that's when I heard, "Jenny, Sammy's having a seizure.  They had to call 911 and they'll be taking her to the hospital.  I'll call you back when there are more details."  It was the school nurse.

My mind went into action mode.  Everything else went out of my mind other than, "Must get to the hospital." My friend took Callie.  Peggy kept Micah.  And I headed to the emergency room.  I was sure that I'd be pulled over on the way, and I cried as I imagined the scenario of telling a cop that I was trying to get to my daughter.  I was actually quite a mess.

I really hate seizures.

I got to the hospital before the ambulance did.  And there, I waited.  It was horrible waiting.  When they arrived, they let me come in right away, and she was sitting up, being wheeled in, smiling.  That girl!  Here I am completely frantic and she's smiling.  When we got into the room, she curled up against me, I put her blanket over her (I grabbed her blanket on the way out the door so she'd have something familiar to cuddle with -- besides me), and she fell asleep.

Only about an hour or so later we were discharged.  They increased her Trileptal dose and sent us on our way.  We are to have some follow-up appointments and we'll go from there.

The seizure was bad.  They were outside on the playground when they saw her throw her arms up.  Then, immediately, they recognized it was a seizure.  It came on fast and hard.  Her teacher ran inside and got ready to call 911.  Sammy stopped breathing pretty early on and was convulsing hard. The seizure lasted just over 7 minutes.

These seizures make me sad.  It's just sad.  Why does her brain have to do that?  Why can't it just be fine?  All. Fine.  I love her and love all she has taught us.  But, I hate the idea of her losing all control of her body...having it shut down on her to the point she can't even breathe.  And, it makes me worry.

She is home, happy, and sleeping.  She had a very playful bath and will spend the day with me, Callie, and Micah tomorrow.

I hate seizures.

But I really love her.