Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Disturbing Dream

I love Mondays and Fridays because Marcus usually gets home around 3pm!  I love it.  Yes, that makes for longer days Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays, but that's ok.  Mondays and Fridays are good.

So, this past Monday, when Marcus got home, I actually took a nap.  Saturday night I got about 4 hours of sleep (that's been generous on my estimation) and Sunday was Sammy's birthday, so I was running on adrenaline.  Monday...I needed that nap.

And I had the most bizarre and disturbing dream.

I can't remember the exact circumstances, but something had happened to me.  It wasn't a car accident or anything like that though.  I was in a hospital, laying in a bed.  There was no blood or open wound, but something was very wrong with me.  There were 2 nurses and a doctor.  I couldn't speak.  I don't know if my eyes were open and saw what was happening, or if in the dream I was able to see because my spirit was leaving my body.  I was slowly dying.  And the doctor was in no rush to help.  "So now, her lungs are filling up...can someone get my gloves?  I can't seem to find them."  I was panicked because 1) I didn't want to die  2) I was beginning to have a hard time breath.  My chest felt really heavy.  The nurse told the doctor that my numbers were dropping and he said something about how it wouldn't be long now, but he was getting ready to work on me.  

The 3rd reason my panic was starting to pick up was the disturbing part of the dream.  3) I was afraid I would have a seizure.  I felt my head get light, my stomach felt sick, I had a hard time breathing, and I thought I was on the verge of having a seizure.

I woke up.

Disturbing.  I have no idea what a seizure feels like.  Callie has asked me a lot about why Sammy's body does what it does when she has a seizure.  Since the one last Monday, Callie seems really concerned about Samantha.  Maybe that's why it was on my mind.  I don't know.  But this dream made me wonder if Sammy thinks these things before her seizure hits.  Does she know it's coming and thinks, "Oh no.  Please no."?  I was so panicked.  So upset.  And so helpless.  It was horrible.

All day yesterday I was bothered by it.  Today, not so much.  (sigh)  Who needs dreams like that?!  Sheesh.

1 comment:

Emily said...

No fun Jen. I HATE dreams like that. But I figured it's one of my mind's ways of processing the things that are going on around me. Prayers for you always. You're doing marvelous things. Every day.


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