Why It's Good to Have a Working Man....Prt 1

Tonight when Marcus came home, we ate dinner together. I didn't have a horrible day, but I still needed a break. So, after we ate, I told him I needed to go to the gym. Before I left, he was on the ground, wrestling with the girls and I could hear Samantha's giggles and Callie's screams of delight.

It's good to have a working man who is just working 9-5...well, in our case who is workin' 9am-8:30pm on Mondays, 9am-6:30pm Tuesday - Thursdays... and has nothing to think about when he gets home than being with his family. No more stress of job searching. Just being present with the kids while Mommy takes a break. Nice.

Obsessed Much?

Yeah...I am. I'm obsessed with Meaghan Smith. I can't get enough. Yesterday I had an emotional morning. I wrote a little bit about it on Li'l Samsquatch.

After a rough start to the day, I got a cd in the mail from my deary old friend, Marci. Marse, you're a babe, because listening to this changed my day. I had Ms. Smith's music blaring loud and I was singing along as I made rakott krumpli. My upside down day turned out to be fabulous. Thanks Marse, and thanks Meaghan Smith. I'm a fan!

Below is a video of her singing "Heartbroken" live. I love her. Love this song, and look at how cute she is! Love love love.

Cool video bio she has on her website.

Work, Work, Work

Yesterday Marcus started work. Wahoo! That's right ladies and gentlemen. My husband is a workin' man now. A few months ago he was hired as a Post-Doctoral Fellow at Kaiser Permamente, to start in September. This week he's doing all the orientation stuff, but the fun part is that a pay check will come with his name on it again. What a great feeling!

3 Cheers for Marcus!

I, also, have started working again. Last school year I was tutoring and that was good extra money. I say "extra," but let's be honest, nothing we earned was extra. All went to good use for basic bills. And, I've started up again, this school year already busier than last. I'm excited, but I also worry about juggling it all. I'm still trying to figure out if it's a blessing, or if I need to scale back. I guess we'll see how it goes and how much it will effect my family. It's hard, though, when you know you need the money for this or that. We recently bought 2 cars (post to come on that one), we still have to pay the insurance on one and the tax on the other, I want to get Samantha in this intensive therapy in Utah, and then all the other living life stuff. Well, we'll see.

For now, I remain grateful. Grateful for work and grateful for a place to live. I hope I remain grateful when Marcus gets home at 8pm and I've had to cook, clean up, gets kids ready for bed, get kids in bed...ya know, living like grown-ups again. It'll be a change, that's for sure, but I'm excited.

Again, 3 cheers for Marcus!

Sundays with Callie

Ready to mix! But in these first two pictures, though Callie is darling, it's Sammy in the background that I find so funny...Sammy ready with her drumstick.

And now Sammy is chewing her drumstick. oops.

I'll have to make her a kids' size apron. This was a bit long, but she loved it. Thanks Grammy for letting us borrow that.

Gorgeous.

Concentrating quite heavily on her drawing.

That shine? Hair/scalp conditioner.

All cleaned up.

side note: yes, my kids do generally wear clothing. perhaps at home they aren't fully clothed, but when Callie plays with water outside...well, we get "nearly clothed" on those days.

Purpose of Life

Today was a great day. Other than being tired, it was great. And even then, because I was tired Marcus said, "Jenny, how about this? How about you go and lay down for awhile and I'll watch Sammy?" Well, how about it handsome hunk? That sounds great to me! So, while Callie was napping, I too jumped in the sack and fell asleep, almost instantaneously...and didn't move for about 2 hours. I woke up with a numb right arm, but it was a great li'l slumber...with dreams even. Who knew that Marcus had an older sister that I didn't know about? Amazing what dreams can reveal.

But later, I hung out a lot with Callie. We baked. We danced. We sung B-I-N-G-O and other fun songs. We ate popsicles. We drew and colored. It was a nice day. And then, after she got into her hair stuff and spread it all over her hair...and face....I quickly threw her in the bathtub. (The hair goop is for dry scalp and has menthol in it. She should be breathing just fine tonight!) As she was playing in the bubbles, she decided to make me some "soup." I was appreciative of that. How thoughtful is my little girl? And it hit me...why she's here. And not just here with us, in this family...but why she's here on earth.

I've never asked myself the 3 questions: Where do I come from? Why am I here? Where am I going? Mainly, because I feel like I have those answers. I've been taught from an early age that I come from a Heavenly home -- a pre-mortal existence -- to come to earth to gain a mortal body, to be tested, and then, hopefully, if my faith and obedience are sufficient, to return back to my Heavenly Father. The older I've gotten (and I'm only 30), that answer hasn't become more complex. It has always remained the same.

But today, for a moment, I thought about how pointless it all would seem if I didn't know the purpose. If I didn't know the plan. I thought about the millions of people who just live life and suffer trials without knowing why. I thought about how absurd and absolutely frightening it would be to just be born and then die...to nothing. (If that really was the case, really, where would we come from?) There was Callie, playing and giggling and calling me Dr. Mommy {she's been on a real doctor kick lately}, and how perfectly delightful she was and then I thought about what it would be like to not understand the purpose of it all.

Why we need to try our best to be good people?
Why we have children?
Why do we do anything that we do regarding education, family, relationships, etc?

And then I thought about Samantha and how heartbroken I'd be if I didn't have the blessed perspective of understanding that there is more to life than "life." That, even though it certainly doesn't make circumstances and situations easy, because I know why we're here and where we hope to go...I can begin to make sense of something that would seem so cruel and senseless if it weren't for that knowledge. Why have an innocent child be born with a condition that greatly impedes her ability to function in society? To be born with such a deficit? To struggle, quite literally, during her waking moments...to communicate, move....What is the purpose in that? If it weren't for what I know, I'm not sure I'd ever be able to move beyond those questions, and I could see how easy it is to become bitter and calloused. I can imagine all levels of pain, frustration, sadness, anxiety, anger ~ all those real feelings that I have felt ~ would be greatly intensified if I didn't understand that not only is there purpose to all things, but it's real...and that purpose to try to become more like our Savior, to be full of love, compassion, charity.

In that relatively short moment that I sat with Callie, my happiness, my joy, and my gratitude greatly increased.

Hang in there....

"Hang in there, many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up." -Thomas Edison

I found this quote today and really liked it. Though I don't feel like right now I'm just trying to hang on...I do certainly feel that way from time to time. If I can remember this during those times, perhaps I'll be motivated to not only "hang on," but also fight a little harder too.

Motherhood

See this sweet angelic face? Yeah, well, this morning I wasn't feeling like she was such a little angel. As much as I love her, she was no angel.


This morning, motherhood happened. I woke up this morning at 3:45am. That's early, I'd say, even if you consider yourself an early-riser...and I don't...consider myself an early-riser/morning person. So, it was early. Sammy woke up and before she could cry long enough to wake up Callie, I ran in and got her. We cuddled on the couch and she squirmed for an hour. I was soooo tired. I got frustrated and decided that I was just going to lay her on the couch and let her cry. She didn't. She fell asleep as soon as I laid her down. humph! If that's all she wanted...was to be left alone...why the heck did she wake me up at 3:45am!?

Anyway. 15 minutes later, as I was hoping to fall asleep, I got a phone call. I didn't answer it because at 5am I assumed the call was a mistake, until I heard that the caller left a voice mail. So I listened, and was immediately wide awake. A friend of mine asked me to call her back immediately. Her voice was shaky and I was very concerned.

No need to be concerned folks. Because, motherhood was happening again: My good friend had just received a call that THEY WERE GOING TO HAVE A BABY! Yes! They had to fly out as soon as they could to Michigan to pick up their new baby boy. Wow! They were excited, overwhelmed, excited, overwhelmed...I immediately started making phone calls ~ because you know in Michigan they are 3 hours ahead ~ and arranged a place for them to stay, all the hospital information I could help them with, etc. (And then Samantha woke up for good at 6:15am...yes, I'm tired.)

I've been talking with them as they have been in Michigan a little bit, and had to restrain myself from calling them when I knew they were leaving the hospital. I can wait for her call tomorrow...I think.This has been a fun day for me. About 3 years ago I talked with my friend about adoption. We started talking one day at church, and boom...we were buds. We went on walks, talked and talked and talked. She asked me a lot of questions about Samantha, and a lot about adoption. It was something they were considering. She told me about her family, about her life...and we just became good friends. Over the past few years, we've stayed in touch. And today, we have come to the end of the adoption...or is it the beginning? A little of both.

Today I remember becoming a mother for a second time; I remember getting that phone call and telling us we had a baby waiting for us in Michigan. I remember feeling so excited, and then getting really light headed and feeling so overwhelmed. I'm so glad this friend of mine and I had connected years ago...our adoption stories are so similar, it's really interesting.A few months ago, my friend was considering if adoption was really the right path and if they should pursue in-vitro. When discussing it with her caseworker, the caseworker asked, "Is this about becoming a mother, or is this about having a biological child?" As she drove home, she knew it was about becoming a mother...and that all that peace she had felt about adoption being what was right for them was real.

Since she told me this, I've thought about it a lot. So many people have told me that they don't think they could love a baby that wasn't their own. I feign sympathy, because I get it, but I also really don't. I mean, really don't. I mean... really? I think those people who feel that way would be surprised how much love oozes from them when that baby cries for you...or when that toddler bumps their head and only wants mommy {YOU}, or jumps up and down in excitement when "DADDY" comes home {YOU}. There's a lot of love you feel. They are yours and you're theirs. And if that is the case, that you can't love a child that "isn't you're own," what is it really about...becoming a mother or father, or seeing a child that looks like you? It's interesting to think about. It's something I hadn't thought about that way before. I do, certainly, understand the desire to be pregnant and to go through that process. It is a miracle to bring life to this world, and I really do understand the desire to become parents from that side. 100%. But luckily, for those who are unable...or those who just have a different path laid out for them...I'm sure glad that adoption is an option. It's a darn good one.
I am so grateful to be a mom...and I feel blessed to have experienced becoming a mother in 2 very different ways. But, even if my 2 little girls came to me differently, I feel the same binding love that attach us to each other towards both of them. Motherhood is amazing and incredible, full of lay-your-life-down-for-your-kid kind of love no matter where your baby bundle comes from. I'm pretty sure it's just a part of being a mom.