Sunday, September 5, 2010

Purpose of Life

Today was a great day. Other than being tired, it was great. And even then, because I was tired Marcus said, "Jenny, how about this? How about you go and lay down for awhile and I'll watch Sammy?" Well, how about it handsome hunk? That sounds great to me! So, while Callie was napping, I too jumped in the sack and fell asleep, almost instantaneously...and didn't move for about 2 hours. I woke up with a numb right arm, but it was a great li'l slumber...with dreams even. Who knew that Marcus had an older sister that I didn't know about? Amazing what dreams can reveal.

But later, I hung out a lot with Callie. We baked. We danced. We sung B-I-N-G-O and other fun songs. We ate popsicles. We drew and colored. It was a nice day. And then, after she got into her hair stuff and spread it all over her hair...and face....I quickly threw her in the bathtub. (The hair goop is for dry scalp and has menthol in it. She should be breathing just fine tonight!) As she was playing in the bubbles, she decided to make me some "soup." I was appreciative of that. How thoughtful is my little girl? And it hit me...why she's here. And not just here with us, in this family...but why she's here on earth.

I've never asked myself the 3 questions: Where do I come from? Why am I here? Where am I going? Mainly, because I feel like I have those answers. I've been taught from an early age that I come from a Heavenly home -- a pre-mortal existence -- to come to earth to gain a mortal body, to be tested, and then, hopefully, if my faith and obedience are sufficient, to return back to my Heavenly Father. The older I've gotten (and I'm only 30), that answer hasn't become more complex. It has always remained the same.

But today, for a moment, I thought about how pointless it all would seem if I didn't know the purpose. If I didn't know the plan. I thought about the millions of people who just live life and suffer trials without knowing why. I thought about how absurd and absolutely frightening it would be to just be born and then nothing. (If that really was the case, really, where would we come from?) There was Callie, playing and giggling and calling me Dr. Mommy {she's been on a real doctor kick lately}, and how perfectly delightful she was and then I thought about what it would be like to not understand the purpose of it all.

Why we need to try our best to be good people?
Why we have children?
Why do we do anything that we do regarding education, family, relationships, etc?

And then I thought about Samantha and how heartbroken I'd be if I didn't have the blessed perspective of understanding that there is more to life than "life." That, even though it certainly doesn't make circumstances and situations easy, because I know why we're here and where we hope to go...I can begin to make sense of something that would seem so cruel and senseless if it weren't for that knowledge. Why have an innocent child be born with a condition that greatly impedes her ability to function in society? To be born with such a deficit? To struggle, quite literally, during her waking communicate, move....What is the purpose in that? If it weren't for what I know, I'm not sure I'd ever be able to move beyond those questions, and I could see how easy it is to become bitter and calloused. I can imagine all levels of pain, frustration, sadness, anxiety, anger ~ all those real feelings that I have felt ~ would be greatly intensified if I didn't understand that not only is there purpose to all things, but it's real...and that purpose to try to become more like our Savior, to be full of love, compassion, charity.

In that relatively short moment that I sat with Callie, my happiness, my joy, and my gratitude greatly increased.

1 comment:

rachel said...

What a beautiful and poignant post Jenny. Thank you for sharing!


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