Sunday, April 29, 2012

Officially "No"

We received a phone call yesterday afternoon informing us that our birthmother has decided to "parent the baby."  The baby will be placed in her home today as long as she has acquired all the things she needs -- diapers, bottles, clothing, formula, bedding, etc.

Though this is what we expected, I'm still sad.  I wasn't expecting the phone call until Monday when we were scheduled for the court hearing, however, but am grateful we know and don't have to wait any longer.

I'm sad for a lot of reasons.  Sad that her reason for keeping the baby was her own mother's threats.  Sad that this baby will grow up in an unsafe neighborhood (according to the birthmother).  Sad that she won't be with us.  Sad that the next thing I'll do is pack up her baby clothes that were waiting for her.

But, I know we'll be ok.

The part I struggle with is not being able to fully trust myself.  We fasted.  We prayed.  We prayed.  We studied.  And we prayed!  I really felt like I had a real answer that this was right.  This was our baby.  There were other things a long the way that have happened...and when we got the phone call and as we took time to make sure this was right...it was like eveything added up.  I could connect the dots.  It was right.

But it wasn't.

We have a $1200 airline credit.  I told Marcus that if we don't use that within a year...it's lost.  So, if we end up not using that to travel for a baby by April 2013 -- I say we go to Hawaii!  I mean, it just seems like the right thing to do.

"Alooooooha," I say!  Alooooooooooha!


January 2008.
Family of Four

5 comments:

April said...

Oh... "I'm so sorry" just doesn't seem big enough. My heart aches for you. Hold on. I know Heavenly Father knows your heart and He will bless you. xoxo!

Chris Slade said...

Sorry to here about it. If you make it to Hawaii, your always welcome to stay with us!

maryirene said...

love you jenny and marcus. we're are thinking of you and will keep you in our prayers.

Emily said...

Hey Jen. Rough time. But your heart and head sound like they are in a good place. I'll keep you in my prayers friend.
Em

Maren B said...

It's so scary when you know something is right and then somehow it doesn't work out. Makes you doubt pretty much everything. But Jared always reminds me that even when something is so right, God won't override a person's agency. It's both a wonderful and horrible concept.

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