I feel like I need to quickly follow up on the last post. Because not only did I sound like a horrible drag, but things have since changed, and I feel like it's important that positive, happy vibes re-enter this dear little Green Piece. I make no promises that negativity won't creep in again some time.
That dark day when I sat in front of the computer, sitting on the kitchen floor, typing and crying...I pulled it together enough for Callie. I mean, I have kids to take care of. Later, who I visit teach came over. Yes, she popped in and as we sat down and chatted for a moment, I lost it. I let it all pour out. We talked for a few minutes. She didn't say much, just listened. We moved on to other conversation, and by the time she left, I was feeling lighter.
By the end of the day, I was feeling a little glum, but a lot better.
The next day, Sammy had an appointment with Dr. Mandac, her PT Catherine, and the PT supervisor, Daryl. We have this team appointment every day. We talked botox injections in her calves. We talked serial casting (putting casts on her legs weeks at a time to slowly stretch her out), and we came up with nothing for sure. We decided to wait after we finish our therapy at Now I Can and see what we should do.
During the meeting, I mentioned therapies I was interested in trying. I was told, very kindly actually, not to spend too much time and money, at least not quite yet, because she just may not have the potential for it. I knew I was feeling a lot better when this didn't phase me. I knew I was back to Jenny-normal when I thought, "Yeah, ok. We'll just see about her po-tential. psh" I wasn't hurt by the comment at all. And, in fact, I knew they were trying to be kind and gentle with how they worded it.
So, I'm good. I don't know what her future will be. And when I say future, I'm talking a month from now even. And that's ok. And ya know, say she is restricted to a wheelchair. Bummer. Huge bummer, and I'll be sad about it, because I think that's normal to feel. But there are far worse things.
I really put a lot of stock in my faith. I rely on it and depend on it...and I think sometimes I even take it for granted. This life is temporary and fleeting. And even though she's been in more pain and discomfort lately, and that REALLY bothers me, overall she is happy and so loved...and she knows it. I know that part of how I am Judged will be how well I endured. That doesn't mean I can't experience pain, despair, sadness, anger. It means, in those moments, I need to turn to Truth to find peace and joy again. My family deserves that. I deserve that! It's a choice...and some would argue it's an easier choice for me than for someone who is more naturally pessimistic. I agree with that. But it's still a choice. And there are seasons during this journey when every single day, I'm actively choosing to be happy and not let her circumstances cloud my attitude. Samantha makes that easier for me to do. She truly is my sunshine.
So here's to you Sammy Samsquatch. No matter what comes up, we'll be right with you the entire way. I love you. So much.