Sammy is Promoted

I did not sleep well last night. It's been happening a lot lately. I think it's the heat. Not sure though. When Sammy woke up at 6:30am, I was too tired. I shut our bedroom door and went back to bed. At 7:00am I got up, took a shower, and went in for Sammy. I held her as she quickly fell asleep in my arms. About 1/2 hour later, she had a seizure. It was so intense that we decided to give her Diastat (her emergency medication), which is Valium really, and she is now knocked out. I held her for about an hour, but she's now contently sleeping on the couch.

Times like these bother me. First, it's hard to see such a tiny little girl have to go through so much. And, that leads to my second issue -- it just doesn't seem fair. Yesterday Marcus shared with me something rather surprising, and today it makes my issues #1 and #2 a little less important.

This week is Girls' Camp in Marcus' home stake. My mother-in-law was asked to speak. Her talk was entitled

"Faith, Trust, and Pixie Dust."

Peggy shared with these young women and their leaders parts of her faith building experiences because of Samantha. I hope she doesn't mind if I share this...but there was a time when she believed if her faith was strong enough, Samantha would be made whole. I believed that as well. And, there was a time when I thought that's what Heavenly Father wanted from me, faith strong enough to heal her, an opportunity for us to see His hand in our lives, to witness a miracle. I have since learned that He does want that, but the faith He asks is not for Samantha's healing, but maybe for my own. He has shown us His hand, and we have certainly witnessed miracles, though different than what I had originally expected. Our family, immediate and extended, has always been close. However, I believe that Samantha has strengthened our bonds. Individually, we have all have grown in faith. Our prayers are more sincere. Our testimonies more solid. Our hearts much fuller. Each member of our family feels a special love for Samantha, a love that has transformed us, and a love that is there because of our spiritual and emotional investment, and because she's just so darn cute. Furthermore, we have been prompted to venture into the land of adoption, a scary, unfamiliar territory that has brought us immense joy. Our lives were made more complete when Callie entered the picture. She brings us so much happiness and laughter, and we truly love her.

I wasn't there to witness it, but I believe her talk was well-received because that night, the leaders decided that our little Sammy was going to be more than a cute little girl, more than a good example in a talk...she's been promoted to mascot for the week. Each girl will get a picture of Sammy to have with them all week long to remind them of the things Peggy shared -- faith in a greater plan and trust in our Father in Heaven. Sammy also reminds me of my divine potential. Because of her physical and mental limitations, it may seem that her potential here on earth is stunted. But when you spend any amount of time with her, it's her spirit that people feel, and that is the reminder of the person I would like to be. I love her. And if all this good is coming because of the difficult experiences she must endure, then something tells me that she's ok with that -- because she's definitely stronger than I am.