I saw this quote on Kidz the other day (I love being a part of this special needs blog by the way), and it keeps running through my mind. Lately, I've been discouraged and kind of sad actually. And, that is a really uncomfortable feeling for me. I tend to push sadness and discouragment (about certain things) to the side pretty well. I plunge into "work" -- cleaning the closet, organizing the drawers, painting picture frames for the girls' room (yes, my most recent mini-project) -- and that helps me to not dwell on the thoughts that get me down.
But lately, oh lately, I've been discouraged...and sad. And I've been annoyed that I've been sad and discouraged. For the first time, I have really questioned "How are we going to make this work?" -- specifically in reference to having more kids. I know it'll happen, or at least I have faith that Heavenly Father isn't lying to me, but I began to really wonder just how that may work out.
And then I remembered the quote. And I realized that I have not gone anywhere I had intended to go. Well, I guess that's not true -- there were things like getting married in the temple and things like that that I always intended to do. But, overall, I never planned, or intended on
having a special needs daughter
being a special needs parent
dealing with seizures and hospital stays
adopting a daughter
waiting to adopt more
becoming an adoption advocate
writing a blog about our life -- for heaven's sakes! sheesh
having a blog about Samantha
wanting to write books about these topics
starting a non-profit
fundraising for therapies
living in California!
But in my recent discouragment about adopting and other things, I have relearned the truth of what I have told people over and over again. And, I really do believe it -- though I didn't plan (or intend) to live this life, it's so much better than I could have imagined. It's richer and fuller and happier. And, I think when we hand our lives over to Him, then He can take us where He intends us to be. Because, I didn't intend on going to all these places, but I intended on being a
and a do-er
I've gone to the places that have helped me become who I'm supposed to be -- I think. And, I'm pretty sure that there will be other places I don't want to go, or don't intend on going to, that will shape me into who I am intended to be. It's a little bit of a scary thought, but my discouragment and sadness went away pretty quickly after I re-realized this...and now my despairing "How" questions are merely curiosities. And for today, I'm ok with curious.