Saturday, June 5, 2010

When Will It Happen?

Life is crazy. Crazy insane. Crazy good. Crazy difficult. Crazy crazy. And I really would like to make it crazier by throwing another kid in the pot. Is that too much to ask? Wouldn't that be fun, and crazy? I know...some people thought we were crazy to adopt Callie as soon as we did...and I'm sure there are others out there thinking the same thing now. BUT, Callie is already 2.5 years old, so she's much older than Samantha was (19 months) when Callie came to our home. humph

Sometimes I feel like it's never going to happen -- and then I get sad. Like now. We've had our paperwork done for a long time now, but we are still waiting on a few background checks. Because we lived in Utah and Washington, we -- the government actually -- needs to run background checks on us through those states as well. That makes sense to me. But it is taking F O R E V E R and my patience is waning. Just a few weeks ago I was feeling like, even though things are taking longer than we had hoped, another baby wasn't too far off. So, I know I need to have faith in that and lean on that right now...but I'm getting so frustrated.

Last week, Peggy (mother-in-law) and I gave a presentation to two wards about adoption. Correction: It was about the services that LDS Family Services provides, but with an emphasis on adoption. I was there to tell my story. After one of the presentations, one woman came up to me and said "I have a referral for you" and proceeded to tell me about a girl -- family friend of hers -- who was pregnant and was thinking about adoption. She took my information. At the time, I told Peggy that I didn't really feel like this was our baby...I was honored that she would be willing to pass along our names to her friend, but I didn't necessarily feel like it was going to happen with this girl. And...I found out today that this girl had already chosen a family.

Yesterday I got a phone call from Nancy, our wonderful San Jose LDS Family Services secretary, telling me that Sacramento sent them a letter of acknowledgement -- essentially -- "We have the forms that you want to send out for the background checks." Well, I don't even know if they've been sent out to those states yet. How long have those papers been sitting on someone's desk before they were even looked at for Pete's sake!

So, those two things have made my faith waiver tonight. It makes me sad. I wonder, when will it happen? When the time is right, I know. But tonight, I'm struggling with that simple answer.

Tonight I'll go to a bit of The Help (which is a fabulous book by the way), and I'm sure to feel a little better tomorrow. But for now, I'm sad.


P.S. Thanks for all your comments the other day -- it helped a lot. I have an appointment to check out the place Wednesday morning.


ANewKindOfPerfect said...

It must be hard not to get discouraged, but I know that when the time is RIGHT, it will happen.

As for The Help, it is an incredible book! I loved it and have passed my copy on to many friends. :)

Rachel said...

Jenny, I love reading your thoughts. I think you are great and that everything will work out. We need to talk sometime soon! I much prefer the phone to leaving a message on a blog! :)

Rob and Marseille said...

This post just made me think of all the waiting for Michael. Will it be like that again? One thing I learned from that experience was God has a plan, even if it isn't picture perfect to us, it will all work out. Try and enjoy now, doing your best to prepare for the future.

Julie said...

Jenny, so it may be random that I still follow your blog :) But I do, your family made a huge impact on us when we were in the same ward in Provo. That said, I love to hear your honesty about adoption. Especially the waiting. For us right now we do have one bio child (I love how all of a sudden our children are seperated into categories) and continue to grow our family through foster-adopt. We have a little 2 month old foster girl. She won't be able to be adopted into our family (thanks, ICWA) but we are happy to give her love while we can. Our prayers are with you that your family keeps GROWING and sooner than later!


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