Thankful 4: Music

I've always loved music.  When I was young, I'd record songs off the radio onto little cassette tapes and I'd listen to my favorites over and over again.  The total of "mix" tapes recorded off the radio are innumerable.  This past year, while at home, I ran across some of these tapes...and notebooks.  Written on those lines of paper were lyrics.  Yes.  Lyrics.  I'd sit and listen to a song, line by line, pausing in between and rewinding if I had to, and I'd write down what the words were -- or at least what I thought they were.  I didn't just like songs, but I wanted to sing along with them, so I had to know the words.  I no longer write lyrics down, but I do look them up online from time to time and I often listen to my new favorite over and over and over again...ad nauseum.

I've found that I listen to far less music since living with Marcus' parents.  I think it's because I want to respect their peace (um, if that were the truth, maybe I wouldn't even be living here in the first place?) or maybe it's because our computer (which holds most of my music) is in our bedroom and not in our daily living quarters.  Even though I don't listen to it as much, it still has the same impact on me...I've often clung to music in times of sadness or frustration, and have used it's rhythms to be an added spark of energy.

I've shared some of my feelings about some songs that have touched me about Samantha, in particular, on Kidz.  I wrote about Smallest Wingless  and how it triggered deeper feelings of gratitude for Samantha.  It also urged me to reflect on how much I've learned from friends who have lost children, and how because from their pain, I've learned a lot about love and loss.  I wrote about Closer by Joshua Radin (love that man) and how I interpretted it to fit my life with Samantha.  I even wrote about So Long, yes, from Winnie the Pooh, and how I imagine Sammy singing this to me.  (sigh)  Obviously many songs have reminded me about my journey with Samantha.  And while these songs remind me of Sammy, it's songs like All the Single Ladies by Beyonce, So What by Pink, and Say Hey by Michael Franti that remind me of Callie.  Odd?  Yes.  But it makes me smile.  What can I say, these were her favorites for a long time and they will always remind me of her.  She energetic, full of enthusiasm for life, and spunky.  I'm getting off course here...

Point is: I love music.  And I'm grateful for it.  Case closed.