Today I did something that I haven't done in a long time. I enjoyed my day. Thoroughly. I usually am moving too quickly to really enjoy it. I guess it's like eating super fast and not savoring it. I don't savor my days enough. This whole adoption thing has really affected me more than I had thought it would. We went through another failed adoption about 6 months ago, and it didn't seem to affect me like this. Anyway. As I've gone back and forth with how I feel about it all, what I do feel is extreme gratitude for my family. That's a good thing. I've also slowed down. And it's so good. So nice.
I like this pace. I feel like I have gotten back to where I want to be. It's place that I've tried to get to but haven't been successful in doing it alone. I guess I needed to feel a little heartbroken and crushed...coerced to slow down.
Today, I got Sammy ready for school. Callie and Sammy ate breakfast together. We watched 1/2 hour of tv as we "woke up" and then turned it off. Sammy went to school and Callie and I went to the gym. After, instead of rushing to take my shower, I asked Callie if she wanted a picnic. We drank our smoothies together in the sunshine. It was nice.
While Callie was at preschool today, I didn't worry about being "productive." I ate lunch slowly and enjoyed the sunshine. I saw the Ensign came and read a conference talk. I took that time for me...not for my callings or other projects (which are all great things), but for Me. Me is a good person and I forget she needs to slow down and breathe sometimes.
Callie, Sammy, and I took a walk/wagon ride. I suggested it. Callie didn't have to ask me to go on a walk. It just seemed like a good day to go for a walk and check out snails and smell the gorgeous roses that we pass by. Callie said something, I can't remember what, and she made me laugh really hard. Sincerely. And she laughed. I looked back, and Sammy was just completely chill. Awesome.
After dinner, I suggested baths, because Callie and Sammy both love them. Fantastic fun for everyone! Callie went to the mall with Grammy and Sammy and I went for a wee run.
When Callie came home, Sammy was beginning her evening slumber as the lavender and lemon lulled her to sleep...and so, I suggested Callie and I play Cootie. Oh, her eyes lit up when I suggested it. It brought me so much joy. Cootie it was. Then a little read from Curious George before potty (oh, and Sammy peed on the potty again today, by the way), teeth brushing, and prayers. As I laid in bed with Callie, scratching her back, she told me her favorite parts of the day...and we just talked. I love that girl so much. Both of my girls.
Marcus got home very late after a rough, looooong workday. It's too bad he didn't have my day.
I know these are all just boring details to some, but these are details I don't want to forget. This was, quite honestly, one of the best days I've had in a long time. And...if we're looking for a theme here...it seems what is often repeated was that I was the one who suggested things. I was the one who initiated activities and together time. Today brought me so much happiness. And at the end of THIS day, I have relearned that we are in charge of our days, of our outcomes. If we want to be happy, it's up to us. We can be proactive...or anti-active. Whatever. The point is, today was awesome and I am going to be more proactive from here on out. Case closed.