A Month from Today

A month from today, our son is scheduled to be born.  I'm a little stunned that it's already so soon...and our birthmother feels like he'll come even sooner still.

When Samantha was born, I remember thinking that nothing could be more amazing.  Then, Callie entered our lives.  Her story struck me so deeply because, partly, I wasn't expecting how spiritual and grand it would be.  I was humbled and so full of love and joy...it was incredible.  Surely, surely nothing could be sweeter.  Then...this little one.  A part of me is still hesitant to speak as if he's already in our arms.  I know too well that adoptions fall through.  We have been so close to having a baby in our arms...2 adoptions fallen through, and 1 we had to turn away for another baby -- that ended up not happening.  Three.  Two and half years.  I recognize that many wait longer than we do.  It's a long journey in creating the family that Heavenly Father has in store for each of us, and this is ours.

When our last adoption fell through, I was hurt and a bit broken.  We had dealt with 2 other babies, and I just couldn't quite believe that this was happening again.  We had received pictures of the newly born baby and were ready to fly out when we got the word.  All of a sudden, we had empty arms and $1200 in airline credit.  Only about a week later we received an email from a birthmother.  Marcus was out of town and so I replied to the email.  There was no part of me that believed this email was going to go anywhere.  I was still too hurt to consider it a possibility I suppose.  Instead, I believed this email was a tender mercy from Heavenly Father helping boost my spirits -- reminding me not to give up and that people were still looking at us.

That email started a flurry of correspondences going back and forth several times a day.  After a couple weeks, I thought this may have some potential and so I told my mom about it all.  The emails kept coming and going, then phone calls.  That first phone call was great.  We talked until late in the night.  It was natural and fun.  She told us that she answered questions she had for us without her even needing to ask them.  We felt comfortable and things were going well, but we made NO assumptions that this was it.

Then, we met.  A week before Samantha's birthday, our birthmom, her mom, and her best friend met us at Happy Hollow.  Callie quickly clung to Lindsey and tore through the park holding her hand, dragging her from here to there.  It was  natural, again.  Fun.  We sat down and talked for awhile while Peggy (mother-in-law) took Samantha and Callie and let them play.  We talked about what it would all look like if we were to move forward.  Marcus and I, even at this point, didn't think Lindsey would have her mind made up by then.  She had told us that she was waiting for a spiritual confirmation and felt like she couldn't tell us we were it.  We told her to take her time and that she really  needed to know for herself who her son's family would be.  But, even still, that morning on the way to the park, I had a pressing thought that this could be it...the day she lets us know.  I tried to push it out of my mind though.

After talking, we gave her a small gift and she gave both Samantha (for her birthday) and Callie (just because) a gift.  Then, she gave us a gift.  We read her letter first.  She thanked us for preparing ourselves, expressed her love for us, and ended it with, "Congratulations!  It's a boy!"  Inside the gift bag were baby boy clothes.  We all cried and hugged....and spent a little more time walking around the park.

Since that day, our love and friendship has continued to grow.  I can't imagine Lindsey not in our lives.  She's a beautiful example of faith and pure love.  She wants so much for her son to have what she can't offer at this time.  We aren't just adopting her son; we've already adopted her into our hearts forever.  She is family to us now and we love her dearly.

I have been pretty quiet about this all...waiting, I suppose, as if that will help if this too weren't to happen.  But then, I finally got to the point of thinking:

1) This is coming up really soon
2) If it were to fall through, perhaps it's better for people to know.  We can always use prayers, thoughts, and love rather than struggling alone.  Right?  Right.

We anxiously anticipate her phone call letting us know she's in labor.  Her plan is that we head up to the hospital so I can be in the delivery room with her and they can hand us the baby immediately after he is born.  We will spend time with him until she feels ready to see him.  I imagine it will be an emotional day...but it's easier knowing that Lindsey is forever apart of our family and she never has to really say "goodbye."  That's what she has told us as well.

So, until then...stay tuned.  We'll see when this little guy comes, but Lindsey tells us he's already 7 lbs with 1 month left to go!  She's warned us to start lifting weights...and I've told her how wise she is to go for the epidural!!!