Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Enjoy the Process

When we moved to California, some things that I was really working on fell by the wayside.

I was really working on being organized and tidy. I was really working on my health. I was really working on becoming a more inter-active parent. I was really working on getting back to the basics in several different areas of my life. We moved and I got lazy. Usually, I consider myself someone who can adapt well. This has always been a strength of mine. However, this time, I have proven myself a fraud. And no one likes that. So, I'm starting over.

There are f i v e things I really want to be when I grow up:
1) True Disciple of Jesus Christ
2) Stellar Wife
3) Amazing Mother
4) Inspiring Writer
5) My Best Self

I will be working on these forever, but I felt like towards the end of our stay in Spokane, I was starting to get a grasp on the things I needed to do to become these 5 things. Then I came here and went back into old habits and became lazy and started thinking "later." Circumstance changes me. I feel like I have to reboot every time there is a new change. I wish I didn't have to do that...that I was more constant. But alas, I'm not. So I continue to reboot as much as I need to until I become who I want to be.

I've recently created a plan. Starting yesterday, I have worked on number 4. Now, I may never be an inspiring writer, but I can aspire. I'm in a writing group. We share what we write and critique for each other. I love being a member of this group, but it's intimidating and scary. I've had hopes in the past to write a book. I still have those hopes. But I would always get stuck as I wrote. Darn plot. It always got me. I have so many different beginnings of novels, but no middles or ends. Yesterday, I decided I was going to write 5 days a week, and not worry about the end result. Here is my plan.

Take Sammy to school.
Come home.
Lay Callie down for a nap.
Fill up my water bottle and head to the computer where I will write.
I will continue writing until I feel like I'm done or at 2pm when I need to go and pick up Sammy, whichever comes first.

These past 2 days have been successful. And instead of forcing myself to write about a certain topic, I just write. In these two days, I've written two essays. Funny thing, a mentor of mine once suggested I just sit down and write, and perhaps I'd just come up with a million essays before I was able to sit down and write a novel. Why I didn't do that these past 2 years, I don't know. But I'm doing it now, and I love it. I have found joy in writing again. And, I know it's only been two days...but I feel a change. And I don't care about my writing groups' individuals talents over mine. I know they are more talented, but that doesn't bother me anymore. I'm enjoying the process.

I need to create plans for all these areas in my life so I can more fully enjoy the process of becoming. I've always been the personality that puts too much energy or excitement in the idea of the end product without stopping to think about what it all entails. If I can start to do that, I think I will more fully enjoy the process. Hopefully. And I think I will be an even happier person. Now, that sounds great to me.


yellow buttercups said...

If your writings on this blog have taught me one thing (and believe me I have learned many things not just one) it is that you are a writer, heart and soul. So glad you are making a scheduled time to develop your pattern and habit of writing so that words and ideas have expression and representation on paper. Really excited for you! I look forward to reading a book of your essays and then your novels. Cool stuff. Thanks.

rachel said...

Awesome!!! Keep up the good work! We need to talk soon about writing, about life.... I miss you and I know things are just so crazy but sometimes soon. Love you!


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