There have been a few times in my life when I've been in crisis mode. Not crisis because of events that are going on, but because certain events AREN'T going on anymore in my life. When I got home from my mission, shortly after getting married (this in no way reflects my love for dear Marcus), when Samantha was about 11 months and I was getting a tad overwhelmed with her, and actually....recently...I just feel like I'm super boring and OLD. Back in the day, my glory days, I was a hoot, the life of the party. (Or so I thought) My identity was wrapped around the fact that I was a fun (and kind and all that other stuff) person. I was responsible and people called me "mature" for my age -- I really fooled 'em -- but I was fun. F. U. N. fun. I loved making people laugh, I was spontaneous, always up for most anything, threw parties, had egg fights (ouch), went to concerts, danced, contorted my face into really ugly looking faces and we took pictures of those faces, made crazy home videos....I was appropriately crazy. Sure sometimes I was over the top, but as long as we were all laughing, right? hmmm At times I have reflected on my past personality and think "I'm so different." In some ways this is a good thing. But in others -- I miss the Jenny of old. She was fun. She was carefree. She was who I still sometimes think I am, until I realize I'm not. And that's sad. I realize that I'm tired, boring, very scheduled, and practical. Aside from being tired, these aren't necessarily bad things. When I have these realizations, I change things up a bit to try to find old Jenny, and just make her Jenny 3.0 instead of Jenny .5...to wipe down the cobwebs and spring clean my soul.
And usually when this happens, I realize that I pretty much love my life, and I'm really not ALL that different. (There's something to be said for maturation, but that's for another day.) I still dance in the kitchen, make funny faces, sing really loud, enjoy a good concert now and again. Instead of making my own crazy home videos, I make our kids do them! I squish up their faces to make them make funny faces. We dance in the kitchen together. Some things haven't changed too much. I love my life.
I came across this video, and not only was I laughing, but it also made me feel great about the stage I'm currently in. Bring on the minivan, because you know what...in the words of Callie, it's just pretty much funky fresh.
The Green Piece: Little Pieces of Our Life
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4 comments:
I don't know if the Jenny I know is the old one or the new one but I like her. She always makes me laugh and I loved hanging out at your apartment.
I'll be honest. I super miss you. I always had someone to give me advice and I had somewhere to go on Fridays (even if it's main purpose was a R.S. meeting) :)
nice vid. i've felt that way too. luckily I"m not going through that right now, I'm able to enjoy today, because my kids are growing up& they won't be the same 'tomorrow'. But, I know what you mean. everyonce in a while I wonder, who am i? I feel like I'm just going through the motions.
As I get to know Megan (williams) Hinckley, I think of you and how much fun you guys would have/did have together. I often miss our 59th ward days when everyone was in the same boat we were. we were all going through the same things & could relate.
and christopher is starting kindergarden in the fall. wow.
Being a mom can surely put a spoke in the wheels. I haven't seen you in a while but surely you don't LOOK old. : )
That video is awesome.
I feel the same way too sometimes. It's easy to miss those times, because they were fun, and let's be honest, a lot easier. (what with not having kids and all.) I just try to tell myself that I will miss myself at this stage too. Sometimes that helps me enjoy it more. It also makes me want to seize the day. take advantage of all my opportunities, because time just keeps passing, and I really want to be happy with who I am.
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